Tag Archives: words with friends

Bumper Stickers

I see you on cars and I immediately think 5 things:

  1. That’s gonna hurt the re-sale value of your car.
  2. You aren’t really that ignorant to believe that?
  3. Your kid stole that sticker from the smart kid.
  4. Oh that’s clever/funny (sarcastic tone).
  5. Don’t lie to us, you really don’t believe in “coexist”ing

Can anybody actually tell me why people still put these damn things on their car?  It’s distracting to me as the guy following you.  Why? Because I feel compelled to read that shit, even though I know I don’t give a damn.  So yes, “if I’m reading this” I’m “probably too close” and yes I might honk, but not because “I love ta-ta’s.”  Please people, just stop putting shit on your car.  Our society is already stupid and distracted enough while driving.  I can manage reading your shit and driving, but that shit-tard that was texting while driving in 2 lanes simultaneously obviously cannot.  And I don’t care that he/she thinks your puppies are adorable, or that those stick figures you have of your imaginary family on your mini-van is cute.  Most likely you are a horrible driver, and you are genuinely not clever, AND the people driving around you are idiots with well documented driving skills.  So before we start outlawing texting and driving or playing Words with Friends or Angry Birds while driving, we really need to get rid of ALL bumper stickers.  Umm, that pretty much sums it up, I done said it.

This is what your shit looks like to me…

 

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Winning At All Costs…

In random news of the day, a “top young US Scrabble player” (yes I said Scrabble) was accused of cheating at the US National Scrabble Championship (no idea if that is the official title of this tournament).  How did he do this you ask?  Well my man straight up swapped blank tiles that he had jacked from his first game in the tournament and kept using them throughout his matches.  He would cleverly “drop” his tiles and make the switch while picking them up.  I mean if I was gonna cheat, I would make it easier.  Just always put the letter face down so it looks like a blank tile and BOOM, you can play dumb if caught!  First off, WOW there is a Scrabble National Championship? Second, bro, really, you’re cheating at Scrabble?  You remind me of those jerks that cheat in Words with Friends, when it’s not even that necessary because they tell you if the word you are using is right or wrong!  You could literally guess all day til you came up with a word, why the hell do you have to cheat?  But I digress, although I would whoop anybody’s arse in Words with Friends (and Scramble with Friends, bring it!).  This story is laughable in that it’s an actual story.  But that reminds me of the time when I was in grad school and came back home to visit.  A group of friends who were still in college wanted to play Monopoly.  So we were all like “wooohooo let’s play Monopoly!”  Everybody came over, and from the beginning it was kind of weird how these 2 guys kept being able to afford such lavish properties without hesitation (I’m talkin’ Boardwalk and Park Place son, you know the ones that would get you like a Bajillion dollars from McDonald’s).  I questioned it, but the banker said that no money had been taken from the bank so we played on.  Well we played on til about an hour into the game, we realize these idiots brought Monopoly money from their home to play with us.  That’s right, my friends are that idiotic and that evil and sinister that they brought FAKE money from another board game so that they could win.  Pathetic right?  Indeed. I guess the old addage is true, “if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying.”

Dear World,

You are screwed.

Sincerely,

Humanity.

HA! Find your precious blank tiles now you scumbag!

Tagged , , , , , , ,