Tag Archives: water

Rama-Diary Day 2 (or 3)

I’m still alive Alhamdillah (Praise be to God).  Day 1 (or 2) went as expected. Tired, thirsty, hungry, not hungry or thirsty, still tired. It all hits at about 3 PM and then just loops until you eat.  The vicious cycle.  Day 2 (or 3) is pretty much the same.  Walked by coworkers eating food and drinking their delicious watery looking water (how else does water look?). Anyway, I’m not hungry, but I am having visions of pizza, steak, hamburgers, cookies, biscuits, ice cream, and much much more dance through my head (if you’ve ever fasted you know exactly what I am talking about).  My brain knows I can’t eat, so it’s just cycling through the catalog of all the possible foods in the world (A hamburger with cookies as a bun? SURE, why not!?).

Things I remembered not to do again, although I’ve told myself from all the previous years before not to do them, but will inevitably end up doing possibly as soon as today include:

  • Going to a grocery store during lunch time, wow I wanted to buy everything.  (Side note Hebrew National has 97% fat free hot dogs that are 45 calories now and taste just like the regular ones, which is phenomenal.  This right now is my top moment for the year, 2013 so far you are winning the last decade)
  • Taking a nap before it’s time to eat, but waking up with 30 minutes left.  You wake up hungrier, and you become tireder (is that really a word?).
  • Sleeping early.  My intention was there, it just never happened, still stayed up late.  Such a good planner, just the execution needs work.
  • Walking into a kitchen with food cooking 30 mins before it’s time to eat.  Smells delicious, but hurts my feelings that I can’t eat.  Be ON TIME, not early, not late, ON TIME.
  • Get close to the door at Taraweeh, for ventilation purposes, both cooling and smell wise (you ALL know what I’m talking about).

Iftar last night: Chicken, corn, leftover pasta, 3 bottles of water.

Suhoor: Protein Bar, Banana, 1 bottle of water, 2 cups of ice water (only ONE Pee break!!)

Here’s to today being a shorter day than yesterday (we eat one minute earlier suckers!!). Day 2 (or 3) I got you  son!

Hasn’t happened yet!! Still 27/28 (or 26/27) days left though.

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Man vs. Hiccups

So last night something strange (I don’t think I’ve used the word strange in at least 2 years, strange huh? See what I did there?) happened to me.  So I’m watching Sportscenter when all of a sudden I start hiccuping.  Naturally, the first thing I do is hold my breath so that it will go away.  Didn’t work.  So I remember that I was told that since hiccups are an involuntary action, if I try to force myself to hiccup they will go away.  So I try this, but for some reason, this shit didn’t work either. I wish that the friends I was hanging out with just an hour earlier were still around so they could scare me, but alas, they were gone too.  Plus can you really get scared if you know that someone is trying to scare you?  At this point I’ve been hiccuping for the last 10 minutes, and not gonna lie, I’m kinda freaking out.  I go back to this news report I saw once of this guy who had hiccups for a few years, and the freak out continues.  I start wondering how I’m gonna communicate with people if I’m hiccuping, or how am I going to sing (because I’m a superstar and all…just sayin’) and all these crazy things are running through my head. 30 minutes pass, I’m still hiccuping.  Enter the Google.  “How to get rid of hiccups.”  I was led to various sites and remedies, pulling on your tongue (this shit doesn’t work and just hurts your tongue), eating a spoon full of sugar (def wasn’t gonna try that at 11pm), gargling water (made me spit out water as I was hiccuping).  None of that crap worked.  45 minutes passed, and I’m still hiccuping.  I was resigned to the fact that my life would be that of the hiccuping man.  Despite being completely freaked out, I just said well I tried, and started watching TV again.  Next thing I know, they were gone.  The hiccups had left me, thank God! So I went to sleep, and that was that.  Woke up this morning and they were back!! But luckily it only lasted a few minutes.  I think it was the hiccups reminding me that they have the power, and I can not refute this claim.  When the hiccups attack, you have no real defense other than to pray that they are just visiting for a short time.  In the end, the internet didn’t help, and that sucked, but good news is I won’t be that guy that has to hiccup the rest of his life.  Do any of you care about my hiccups? Nope.  Do I care that you don’t care? Hell Nope.  But if ya got any hiccup advice let me know, because I don’t know when my next showdown with hiccups will be, but I would love to battle with some weapons ya feels me.

Hiccups – 1
Me – 0

 

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The Hungry Games…

Today marks the first day of Ramadan, the Holy Month for Muslims all over the world.  For those of you who actually know a muslim or two, you know what this means.  From dawn until sunset (whenever it is light outside for those of you who are bad with time) muslims must refrain from eating, drinking (yes that includes water), and having sex (yep, that’s right, no day time hanky panky) for a whole month. This is known as fasting. But read that again, I didn’t say they can’t eat or drink for a month, I said they can’t eat or drink from dawn until sunset for a month.  If you are still confused, please stop reading this now and start reading Green Eggs and Ham (ham, is forbidden to eat for Muslims) at page 8 so that the story is ruined for you. So if you hear someone say they are fasting, just know that it is not some new P90x ultra workout.  So for those of you who don’t have any personal muslim friends, but can recognize them as if you were working airport security for the TSA, please make note.  The reason those brown people/covered ladies/bearded dudes/ay-rabs/mozlims aren’t having lunch isn’t because they are plotting to take over the world.  It’s because they are offering a form of submission to God.  Speaking of God, the word for God in Arabic is Allah.  That’s right, Allah isn’t a separate God, he is God.  Just like queso means cheese in Spanish, this is just a translation.  So ignorant people, PLEASE pick up on that.  Other important qualities Muslims must adhere to during this month include abstaining from lying (pretty sure everyone should do this)and learning how to be patient (again, everyone should jump on this train).  So what is so special about this particular month (which moves every year folks, based off of the Lunar Calendar)?  To Muslims, the month of Ramadan is the month the Holy Quran was revealed, that is why it is so important.  The Quran is the Muslim people’s Bible.  I am no scholar, and I won’t pretend to be, but that’s just a simplistic perspective for you guys.

So here comes the fun stuff. Let’s talk about what tends to happen during Ramadan.  I’ll go list format because it’s easier and I’m lazy.

  • Some fasting Muslims will be very cranky in the first week.  People need their coffee.  They may not be friendly.  Avoid annoying fasting people in the morning.
  • Although Muslims fast to teach them how those who are less fortunate are, at night, all bets are off.  If you’re wondering why your Muslim friend described a feast for the last 3 days, it’s because they had a feast the last 3 days.  30 days to be exact.
  • Your fasting friends will constantly check the clock.  As they check the clock, you will hear them mumble things like “man I’m so hungry” or “I just need water, the food thing doesn’t even bother me”
  • At some point a non-Muslim will say they will fast with a Muslim co-worker or friend.  This will last all of 3 hours until that person “accidentally” drinks some water.  They will then say it’s too late and will go out to lunch with other non fasting people.
  • Fasters will hear from non-fasters “I don’t know how you do it” or  “you look tired/sick you should drink a little bit of water.”
  • If you’re Muslim, all of a sudden you will be invited out to lunch by so many people who have never so much as offered you a piece of gum. Suddenly corporations will have sponsored lunches for an entire month.  Suddenly that girl next to you in class will offer you a candy bar to eat every single day, when she’d never done such a thing. Ever (thanks for that Jennifer).  Suddenly everyone wants to eat lunch at work.  They will drink that Gatorade in the middle of a conversation.  They will eat that burger as they “work” during lunch.  Nothing you can do about it my fasting compadres.  That. Just. Happened.

Islam (the arabic word for submission or peace) is the second largest religion in the world.  It is also the fastest growing religion in the world.  To all the non-Muslims who read this, know that the more you learn about people, the easier it is to understand them.  For all the Muslim people who read this, have a blessed month of Ramadan, and know that not everyone understands your religion just like you won’t understand theres.  Do what you can to teach people about yourself and your beliefs and learn what you can about people who are different than you so that you can understand where they are coming from.  Building bridges since Lego’s in 1985 (I’m guestimating that to be when I first started using Lego’s).

If you’re fasting, try your best to be kind, honest, and approachable.  Achieve what you can out of your Holy Month people.  Don’t just be of those who only get hunger and thirst from this Ramadan.  16 hours of not eating or drinking.  Eek, if I turn off the lights and hide under my blanket can I drink something??

Grrr…you have to be nice to this guy. But man, the day after Ramadan is over you’re goin’ down!

 

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Lemons

Why the hell do restaurants put lemons in their waters? Seriously, why? I think if I order a water it should just be a “water”, not a “water with a lemon.” I hate lemons.  If I wanted a lemon, I’d have said give me a damn lemon.  Oh and Chili’s waitress, you don’t think I saw you take the lemon out and bring me back the same water? Oh you think I’m an idiot like you? Bring me a damn fresh water with NO lemon! You know, the way I ordered it, “can I get a water with NO lemon.”  I know that my meal is gonna be based off of the simple original request for water.  If she messes it up (yes it’s usually a she who messes it up), then my meal will be equally crappy (probably from the extra spit that ‘Keri’ added to it).  So restaurants, rather than spike up the cost of the food, how bout saving money and not buying lemons.  Or just giving them to the people who request ’em.  Save yourself some damn money and save me from having to come up with a bullshit reason for why I don’t want lemons in my water (because ‘I don’t like lemons’ is apparently not acceptable). Maybe I’ll use the whole “I’m allergic to them” excuse and just keep asking if any of my entree, appetizer, utensils, or beverage came in contact with a lemon.  Then I can start sniffing everything and “act” like I’m crazy.  That’d be kinda fun, hmm, maybe next time ‘Crystal’ brings me lemons in my water I’ll do that.

This water doesn't even look refreshing! The lemon ruined the water, all sour and shit! And who drinks water without ice? NO LEMON but WITH ICE! Damn 'Sally' get my order right!

PS: If you just read that and were like “oh I like lemons” or “just take the lemon out of your water”, you need to shut the hell up. Fo’ real.

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