Tag Archives: teleportation


I hate riding in airplanes.  The person in front of me is usually annoying and reclines their chair right away.  Inconsiderate asshole.  But that’s not why I hate airplanes.  I hate airplanes because of turbulence.  Oh and storms.  Turbulence needs to be fixed right away (I know that’s not happening).  I bout had a heart attack from the plane thinking it could just do the Harlem Shake while I was on board.  Not cool.  Not cool at all. Oh and the whole flying in clouds when there is lightning going on, umm, who is the knucklehead that thought that was a good idea?  Thankfully (for me and for you) I’m still alive to write about this.  This is just another reason that teleportation devices need to hurry up and get built.  Hey science nerds, make this shit happen now!  Aside from saving me from major panic attacks at the airport (oh and random TSA searches of me) it would allow me to vacation practically whenever the hell I wanted.  I think all major science people need to forget about curing diseases or making big ass buildings/boats/airplanes and just focus fully on teleportation.  Do it now.  It would also do away with rude ass flight attendants (they are on the rise lately).  I had to go to the lavatory (fancy word on airplanes for bathroom) and was waiting at the front one when the flight attendant nicely told me to go to the one in the back.  As I am walking back there the pilot comes on and says that we should be experiencing turbulence for the next 7-10 minutes (hey if u know it’s gonna happen jackass, how bout flying around it or something?).  So I’m already committed to the lavatory when the rude flight attendant snarkily (just made the word  up) says  “you should be in your seat right now.”  I just reply back, “I would have stayed, but I figured you didn’t want to clean up the area where I peed myself.”  She didn’t laugh.  I wasn’t kidding anyway.  Anyways, to summarize, I hate airplanes, and I want to be able to teleport places.  I don’t care how it happens, I just need it to happen ASAP.

Turbulence (as defined by me) – that moment on a flight when you think, “Oh shit, I think I’m about to die, I wish I had a parachute on so I could jump out of this plane”

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