Tag Archives: stars

Fantasy Recap Week 7…

Yep, I’m lazy and posting this on the Thursday before week 8 games start again…that’s just how I roll, live with it and love it.  At this point, you know what you need to make a solid run and are either feverishly picking apart the waiver wire or are trying to make some trades.  It’s a tough time for lots of the people in the league as some bogus shit will probably start happening now.  Crazy trades that would have never happened in week 1 are now being offered and acceppted, with you being left wondering, “hey is this legit, or are they just trying to let that other guy win it.”  It’s a thin line between legit and tanking trades, but do what ya gotta do I guess.  So enough of that, let’s get to who did us right and who did us oh so wrong last week.

Stars of the Week

QB – Drew Brees – 377 yards and 4 TDs.  Are the Saints back? Nope, they are just starting to play bad teams.  They won’t keep winning, but Brees will keep putting up numbers.

RB – Chris Johnson – 195 yards, 2 TDs.  He’s back!! NOPE..he played Buffalo…he still sucks

RB – Adrian Peterson – 153 yards, TD.  All Day. AP. Whatever you wanna call him, my man is nice.

WR – Vincent Jackson – 7 catches, 216 yards, 1 TD.  Oh and one drag down inside the 5.  You not scoring that TD probably cost some owners in fantasy like it cost your real life team a victory.

WR – Randall Cobb – 8 catches, 89 yards, 2 TDs.  Greg who??  So long as Jennings is out this dude is a top WR.

RB/WR – Victor Cruz – 7 catches 131 yards, TD.  Remove that 77 yard TD catch at the end and his day was meh, but my Skins unfortunately can’t remove that play. Ugh I hate the Giants.

TE – Rob Gronkowski – 6 catches, 78 yards, 2 TDs.  They still somehow had a close game against the JETS…keep throwin the ball Tommy boy.

K – Nick Folk – Almost won the game for the Jets, before the Jets realized they were the Jets…

DEF – Houston Texans – Made the Ravens look horrible forevermore (see what I did there?!). 4 sacks, a safety, 2 interceptions and a Touchdown.  Solid.

Assholes of the Week (Assholes because I done said it yo)

QB – Christian Ponder – 58 yards, TD, 2 INTs…man all you need to do is just throw it to Percy or hand it off to AP.  Stop being so stupid.

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis – If this was a real “lawfirm” it’d be shut down for lack of production.  69 yards.  That’s it. I actually blame this one on coaches.

RB – Stevan Ridley – Bro, the Jets, how do you have a bad against them?? 65 yards, at least catch a pass or something!!

WR – AJ Green – One catch 8 yards and a TD.  Bengals coaches, if his one catch was a TD, don’t you think you should throw to him more? Thank you..ugh.

WR – Calvin Johnson – 3 catches, 34 yards.  Mega horrible.  Lots of drops too.

RB/WR – Larry Fitzgerald – 4 Catches, 29 yards.  Horrible day for star WR.  But his excuse is his QB sucks.

TE – Vernon Davis –                    (the empty space preceding this represents his presence and stat line of last week).

K – Jason Hanson – 1 extra point.  Thank you though! Because that’s all you got this week, I was able to beat the guy who had you!

DEF – New Orleans – EVERYBODY puts up yards against them.  Over 500 yards and Freeman went bizzerk on em.

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Chris Cooley.  Ehh, not big on it, but you could do worse at tight end at this point.

…unless my team sucks, then “I wasn’t really paying attention to fantasy football this year.”

 

 

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Fantasy Recap Week 6…

Why hello there!  If you are 6-0 at this point in the Fantasy Football season, just know that you are lucky assholes or that everybody else in your league sucks…or a combination of both of these.  At this point, your team is either a source of full on joy every Monday/Tuesday morning or just pure unadulterated disappointment.  Look at the standings, and look at the team in 6th place.  See how far back you are on them.  If it’s 1 or 2 games, you still got a shot at this!  If it’s more than that, then figure out a way to get everyone’s passwords and start trading players to your team!  And with that folks, our do-ers and don’t-ers of week 6!

Stars of the Week

QB – Aaron Rodgers – 6 TD’s.  I don’t need to say much else.

RB – Shonn Greene – 3 TD’s.  The first and last time a Jets player will be on this list.  His first and last name are spelled wrong, just saying.

RB – Ahmad Bradshaw – 116 yards and a TD against the 49ers defense.  Kudos to you sir.

WR – Jordy Nelson – 9 catches, 121 yards 3 TD’s.  How pissed off do you think the Texans’ cornerbacks were that a white dude was zooming by them catching TD’s all game?

WR – Wes Welker  – 10 catches, 138 yards, TD.  That’s not including the big ass hit he took in the first half.  And yes, this is probably the first and only time 2 white WR will make the Stars team.  I’m not racist, I’m just saying Ben Affleck’s aren’t typically doing big thangs on the same week  (“You white, you Be Affleck”).

RB/WR – AJ Green – 7 catches, 135 yards, 2 TDs.  For the record he isn’t white.  They still somehow lost this game.

TE – Antonio Gates – 6 catches, 81 yards, 2 TDs.  And he was sitting on my bench, because he hadn’t done shit the past few weeks.

K – Jason Hanson – 4 FGs.  2 XP.  Solid day old man.  21 years in the league.  My kids will be kickers dammit!

DEF – Denver Broncos – This award really should go to Philip Rivers, but hey they did it to him. 4 sacks, 4 INTs, 2 Fumble recoveries and 2 TD’s.

Assholes of the Week (I call it like I see it)

QB – Philip Rivers – 4 INT’s and 2 Fumbles.  Led directly to 2 defensive TD’s.  And you cost me a win this week asshole!

RB – Marshawn Lynch – 41 yards?  More like Least Mode son.

RB – Michael Turner – 33 yards…God you suck.

WR –  Miles Austin – 2 catches, 31 yards.  Got the big money and sucks.  There is a reason he wasn’t drafted high in real life.  That reason is he sucks in real life.

WR – Dwayne Bowe – 3 catches 25 yards.  Not all his fault…his QB is Brady Quinn.

RB/WR – Stevan Ridley – 34 yards.  It was raining, why the hell did the Pats throw the ball so damn much??

TE – Vernon Davis – 3 catches 37 yards.  Guess the Giants figured out how to stop you since that playoff game huh?

K – David Akers – 1 made FG, 2 missed FG.  Asshole!

DEF – Indianapolis Colts – They made the JETS look good.  Do you know how bad you have to be to do that???

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Josh Gordon – Cleveland Browns.  Supplemental pick leading to fantasy sleeper.  Get him now folks!

So, so true.

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