Tag Archives: scare

Man vs. Hiccups

So last night something strange (I don’t think I’ve used the word strange in at least 2 years, strange huh? See what I did there?) happened to me.  So I’m watching Sportscenter when all of a sudden I start hiccuping.  Naturally, the first thing I do is hold my breath so that it will go away.  Didn’t work.  So I remember that I was told that since hiccups are an involuntary action, if I try to force myself to hiccup they will go away.  So I try this, but for some reason, this shit didn’t work either. I wish that the friends I was hanging out with just an hour earlier were still around so they could scare me, but alas, they were gone too.  Plus can you really get scared if you know that someone is trying to scare you?  At this point I’ve been hiccuping for the last 10 minutes, and not gonna lie, I’m kinda freaking out.  I go back to this news report I saw once of this guy who had hiccups for a few years, and the freak out continues.  I start wondering how I’m gonna communicate with people if I’m hiccuping, or how am I going to sing (because I’m a superstar and all…just sayin’) and all these crazy things are running through my head. 30 minutes pass, I’m still hiccuping.  Enter the Google.  “How to get rid of hiccups.”  I was led to various sites and remedies, pulling on your tongue (this shit doesn’t work and just hurts your tongue), eating a spoon full of sugar (def wasn’t gonna try that at 11pm), gargling water (made me spit out water as I was hiccuping).  None of that crap worked.  45 minutes passed, and I’m still hiccuping.  I was resigned to the fact that my life would be that of the hiccuping man.  Despite being completely freaked out, I just said well I tried, and started watching TV again.  Next thing I know, they were gone.  The hiccups had left me, thank God! So I went to sleep, and that was that.  Woke up this morning and they were back!! But luckily it only lasted a few minutes.  I think it was the hiccups reminding me that they have the power, and I can not refute this claim.  When the hiccups attack, you have no real defense other than to pray that they are just visiting for a short time.  In the end, the internet didn’t help, and that sucked, but good news is I won’t be that guy that has to hiccup the rest of his life.  Do any of you care about my hiccups? Nope.  Do I care that you don’t care? Hell Nope.  But if ya got any hiccup advice let me know, because I don’t know when my next showdown with hiccups will be, but I would love to battle with some weapons ya feels me.

Hiccups – 1
Me – 0

 

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