Tag Archives: red lobster

It’s Back!

What’s back?  Endless Shrimp at Red Lobster, that’s what!  Why am I so excited? Because I love SKRIMP…no seriously I love shrimp.  So yep, it’s back, and I’ve already been there once (emphasis on once so far, because I will be going back, please believe).  So I’m about to give you the tips to a successful Endless Shrimp trip to Red Lobster.  Pay close attention and let the deliciousness soak in.

  1. Avoid the Cheddar Bay Biscuits until after you receive your first order of shrimp.  I know it’s hard, but trust me the payoff is worth the agonizing minutes of staring at delicious hot biscuits (tell them to bring them out later if you can’t resist the temptations).
  2. When it comes time to order sides, avoid getting both sides at the same time.  Tell them to bring them out with the different orders of shrimp.
  3. Start with the heavier options of shrimp first (if you plan on getting the heavy options).  You can always squeeze in more of the lighter options at the end.
  4. When you are ordering your initial 2 choices, ask the waiter/waitress if you can go ahead and give them your next options so that when they bring your first options out, they can enter in the “refills.”  If you fail to do this, the waiter/waitress will disappear and they will pretty much count on your body to shut down and you to not get any refills.
  5. When in doubt keep eating.  Ok, not really, unless you are really trying to get a personal best of shrimp eating.  Sometimes your body will tell you when to stop while your brain fights that feeling of projectile vomit.  One of my friends once had 140 shrimp at an Endless Shrimp binge.  I am still proud of him til this day for this accomplishment more than anything else he’s done in his life.
  6. Order just a little more than you can eat and convince the servers to give you a to go box by showing them you’ve eaten from what they brought out.  Boom, lunch the next day!

So there you have it folks, my personal guide to defeating Endless Shrimp.  You can obviously make your own adjustments but eat as much as you can!  Oh and make sure you ask them what options there are that aren’t on the menu aka the secret shrimp.  For all the SKRIMP lovers like me, enjoy your feast!

Limited time only because they are gonna have a limit for how many times they let me in their establishment! SKRIMP!!!

 

 

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Cakeface…

Ladies and ladies (yep I said ladies twice, I guess this might work for some “gentle”men too), may I have your attention please.  Today I am using my blog as a public service announcement for the betterment of female perception from the perspective of men (say that 5 times fast).  STOP WEARING SO MUCH DAMN MAKE UP!!  Seriously, stop that shit now!  Fact: Men don’t want to date clowns.  Fact: If your face is represented in any way by more than 2 colors off of the rainbow you have over done it.  Fact: If you step on the scale before you put your make up on and you weigh less than you do after your make up, you have put way too much of that shit on.  Fact: If little children pass by you and try to blow out candles on your face, you have gone overboard.  It’s not attractive.  And if you go somewhere with white furniture, your shit just ruins everything.  Seriously, I did not want a damn brown smear stain (make up not doo doo, but both would be disgusting) on my new couch, what the hell were you thinking? I’m not trying to be mean, but if being mean is what stops you from singlehandedly keeping Maybelline in business, then dammit somebody had to do it.  Fact: If you wear too much make up you will get Syphilis.  Ok that one wasn’t a fact, but according to movies, prostitutes and hookers cake it on and they could potentially have syphilis, so it’s not that far-fetched.  (And here comes the nice in me) Look ladies, a lot of you don’t even need that shit to look good, “you’re amazing, just the way you are” (everybody better have sung that last part!).  I’m not against make up, I’m just against over doing it.  It’s kind of like the Coconut Shrimp at Red Lobster during Endless Shrimp, 10, 20, 30 of them are great, but once you get to the 60’s they just start tasting disgusting (mmm shrimp).  So ladies, please, stop camouflaging your face with clown faces, frosting, paint, and whatever other shit it is you put on there.  It’s scary and unbecoming.

Fact: Make up tastes funny.

Me- mmm cake, that looks delicious
Friend – hey bro, easy, that’s my girlfriend!
Me- you’re dating a cake??
Friend – no….
Me- holy shit, that really is a person, my bad bro…

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