Tag Archives: QB

Fantasy Recap Week 7…

Yep, I’m lazy and posting this on the Thursday before week 8 games start again…that’s just how I roll, live with it and love it.  At this point, you know what you need to make a solid run and are either feverishly picking apart the waiver wire or are trying to make some trades.  It’s a tough time for lots of the people in the league as some bogus shit will probably start happening now.  Crazy trades that would have never happened in week 1 are now being offered and acceppted, with you being left wondering, “hey is this legit, or are they just trying to let that other guy win it.”  It’s a thin line between legit and tanking trades, but do what ya gotta do I guess.  So enough of that, let’s get to who did us right and who did us oh so wrong last week.

Stars of the Week

QB – Drew Brees – 377 yards and 4 TDs.  Are the Saints back? Nope, they are just starting to play bad teams.  They won’t keep winning, but Brees will keep putting up numbers.

RB – Chris Johnson – 195 yards, 2 TDs.  He’s back!! NOPE..he played Buffalo…he still sucks

RB – Adrian Peterson – 153 yards, TD.  All Day. AP. Whatever you wanna call him, my man is nice.

WR – Vincent Jackson – 7 catches, 216 yards, 1 TD.  Oh and one drag down inside the 5.  You not scoring that TD probably cost some owners in fantasy like it cost your real life team a victory.

WR – Randall Cobb – 8 catches, 89 yards, 2 TDs.  Greg who??  So long as Jennings is out this dude is a top WR.

RB/WR – Victor Cruz – 7 catches 131 yards, TD.  Remove that 77 yard TD catch at the end and his day was meh, but my Skins unfortunately can’t remove that play. Ugh I hate the Giants.

TE – Rob Gronkowski – 6 catches, 78 yards, 2 TDs.  They still somehow had a close game against the JETS…keep throwin the ball Tommy boy.

K – Nick Folk – Almost won the game for the Jets, before the Jets realized they were the Jets…

DEF – Houston Texans – Made the Ravens look horrible forevermore (see what I did there?!). 4 sacks, a safety, 2 interceptions and a Touchdown.  Solid.

Assholes of the Week (Assholes because I done said it yo)

QB – Christian Ponder – 58 yards, TD, 2 INTs…man all you need to do is just throw it to Percy or hand it off to AP.  Stop being so stupid.

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis – If this was a real “lawfirm” it’d be shut down for lack of production.  69 yards.  That’s it. I actually blame this one on coaches.

RB – Stevan Ridley – Bro, the Jets, how do you have a bad against them?? 65 yards, at least catch a pass or something!!

WR – AJ Green – One catch 8 yards and a TD.  Bengals coaches, if his one catch was a TD, don’t you think you should throw to him more? Thank you..ugh.

WR – Calvin Johnson – 3 catches, 34 yards.  Mega horrible.  Lots of drops too.

RB/WR – Larry Fitzgerald – 4 Catches, 29 yards.  Horrible day for star WR.  But his excuse is his QB sucks.

TE – Vernon Davis –                    (the empty space preceding this represents his presence and stat line of last week).

K – Jason Hanson – 1 extra point.  Thank you though! Because that’s all you got this week, I was able to beat the guy who had you!

DEF – New Orleans – EVERYBODY puts up yards against them.  Over 500 yards and Freeman went bizzerk on em.

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Chris Cooley.  Ehh, not big on it, but you could do worse at tight end at this point.

…unless my team sucks, then “I wasn’t really paying attention to fantasy football this year.”

 

 

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Fantasy Recap Week 4…

“They are who we thought they were”

– Coach Dennis Green

That pretty much sums up your Fantasy Football teams at this point.  I’m sure you can come up with a million excuses as to why you are 0-4 or 1-3, but nobody really cares because you are 0-4 or 1-3.  To become relevant you have to win 7 to 8 of your last 9 games, when your ass may have only won once thus far.  Good luck with that.  So in summary, if you are 0-4 or 1-3 at this point in the season, you suck… that is all. If you are at 2-2 you are still in it, but every win or loss from here on out will be agonizing.  Those of you at 3-1 are some cocky assholes.  You aren’t in the clear yet, but you’ve done something right (except for you Mando, this shit won’t last).  And those of you at 4-0, you pretty much should make the playoffs barring some unfortunate injuries.  The 4-0 thing goes for everyone except for 2 special people, Mo (you’re probably looking at a 4-9 season son) and Abe (you’ll prob finish 5-8, you’ve already played the cupcake part of your schedule).  Otherwise my statements are 100% true 99% of the time.  And now onto our Heroes and Zeroes of the past week.

Stars of the Week

QB – Aaron Rodgers – 319 Yards and 4 TD’s…It’s about time you played like the first round pick you were.

RB – Michael Turner – 171 all purpose yards and a TD.  First receiving TD of his career. Thanks for showing up.

RB – Marshawn Lynch – Beastmode did work again.  155 all purpose yards and a TD.  HMD!!

WR – Brett Hartline – Sounds like a wrestlers name.  12 catches 253 yards and a touchdown.  I’m pretty sure those were his SEASON stats last year.

WR – Roddy White – 8 catches, 169 yards, 2 Touchdowns.  Some of his success should go to the atrocious Panthers secondary though.

RB/WR – Andre Roberts – Who? 6 catches, 118 yards, 2 TD’s.  Cardinals are 4-0.  Sadly, nobody knows who this guy is even now.

TE – Greg Olsen – 6 catches, 89 yards, 1 TD.  The Panthers bright spot.  This asshole killed me this week in fantasy.

K – Greg Zuerlein – Young G Z.  Kick from 58, good, kick from 60 plus, good.  Do work son, do work.

DEF – Chicago Bears – Thank you Tony Romo for your performance as “QB attempting to look like Jay Cutler this week”  5 INT’s for the bears, 2 TD’s, lots of points.

Assholes of the Week (assholes because they played like shit)

QB – Tony Romo – He  was so bad he got mentioned twice today.  5 interceptions.  Someone test this idiot for color blindness, he seemed to find more open guys for the other team than his.

RB – Doug Martin – Thanks for all 33 yards you got…oh and for letting LaGarette Blount get a touchdown…everybody LOVED that…

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis – The Lawfirm, fumbled twice..for those keeping score that 3 fumbles in his last 2 games.  That’s exactly 3 more than he had in his entire career up until this season.

WR –  Julio Jones – 1 catch. ONE. I’m not even giving you credit for your yardage asshole.  Don’t do this shit to me again!

WR – Andre Johnson – 3 catches, 56 yards.  I know the Texans don’t need to throw, but dammit, throw him the ball!

RB/WR – Steve Smith – Wooohooo Panthers!! Way to go Smitty, next time instead of telling your young QB to grow up, how bout working on him getting you the ball more.

TE – Dennis Pitta – Zip, zero, nada.  No points.  Well played sir.

K – Ryan Succop – 2 extra points.  Star to asshole in one week.  Football is fickle.

DEF – Buffalo Bills – 2 100 yard runners against them.  Blew a 21-7 lead.  Nobody is circling any wagons.

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Rashard Mendenhall – Coming off of an ACL surgery and a bye week, he should finally see action this week. Due to the less than stellar performance of the Steelers’ RB’s thus far, he will probably be starting next week.  If he’s available scoop him up.

Not gonna lie, this is probably an accurate statement.

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Fantasy Recap Week 1

I’m sure everybody is on cloud 9 (what does that even mean?) after this first weekend of the NFL.  If you are one of the millions who play fantasy football then you either had an awesome first weekend or are really pissed because of an injury or a horrible performance that cost you in your first game of the season.  There is a ton to talk about regarding this past weekend, but I’m gonna keep it all fantasy football related.  I’m a try to do a Tuesday blog every week that highlights the best and worst performers of the past week (all of this is based on a PPR scoring setting).  I may even give a sleeper here and there too (who knows, I might just be nice).  And here we go.

Stars of the Week

QB – Matt Ryan – Matty Ice looked like a young Peyton Manning slinging the ball around in a fast paced pass friendly offense.  4 total TD’s and 299 passing yards.  Yes please.

RB – CJ Spiller – Way to take advantage of an injury.  169 on the ground with touchdown.  If you started him, congrats. (Probably won’t happen again tho)

RB – Stevan Ridley – 125 on the ground and a touchdown.  The Pats have a running game? Wow.  Not gonna lie, I had him on the bench.

WR – Kevin Ogletree – Big game against a depleted secondary.  Everybody will be trying to pick him up this week.  He will probably do nothing for the rest of the season.  Oh and the Cowboys suck.

WR – Julio Jones – Someone had to be catchin’ Matt Ryan’s balls (that didn’t sound right).  Julio did work with 2 TD’s/

WR/RB – Darren McFadden – 13 receptions!!! You had to have been happy despite the horrible rushing stats if you owned him.  Solid outing for him at least.

TE – Jimmy Graham – He’s tall. He’s good. He’s a jackass who almost beat my ‘Skins.  If you drafted him early, you were happy with your results.

K – Nate Kaeding – 5 FG…that’s a pretty solid day for a kicker

DEF – Ravens – Shut down the Bengals in the 2nd half.  Ed Reed’s INT return for  TD sealed the deal.

Assholes of the Week

QB – Mike Vick – 4 interceptions? Really bro…against the Browns?  He looked like he was playing Madden 13 and was just throwing it up all day.

RB – Michael Turner – You sir, are a gigantic asshole for that horrible performance.  That is all.  If people won with you on their team, it’s because they are awesome (ahem ahem).

RB – Fred Jackson – I know he got hurt, but fantasy owners don’t care and neither do I.  You cost a lot of people a win this week champ.

WR – Wes Welker – I hate you so much for how shitty you were this week.  Hey Brady, throw him the damn ball, you Ugg wearing douchebag.

WR – Marques Colston – Even if you were still listed as a TE (biggest fantasy glitch ever!) this performance would have sucked.  You cost your real life team and your fantasy teams a win.  Enjoy that.

WR/RB – Dwayne Bowe – Hey guy, thanks for showing up in a game that all you guys did was really throw the ball. Oh that’s right you didn’t.

TE – Antonio Gates – Come on bro, you’ve gotta make that TD grab.  You def disappointed in your first game being “100% healthy” in years.

K – Mason Crosby – Thanks for kicking 2 extra points…I’d rather have another running back than a kicker who gets me 2 points. Dick.

DEF – Bills – You spend all that money in the offseason on defense and give up 48 points to the Jets….the freaking JETS???  They didn’t score  TD in the preseason.  And no, Mark Sanchez is not good. And “Baby Jesus” (Tim Tebow) is not the answer.
Pretty solid selections I know.  I’m awesome like that.  And since I’m awesome, I’m gonna help you fools out.

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Dexter McCluster – Why you ask? He’s like the 4th string RB on his team.  Yes, yes he is. But he’s also the starting slot receiver.  In a 10 or 12 team league, he is a solid 10 – 15 point producer a week.  Not to start at WR, but at RB.  That’s right, he’s this years fantasy glitch.  Great player to have as a bye week replacement for your starting running backs.  At least you’d be putting some form of a starter on the field.  I went all in on McCluster this year.  I don’t plan on being disappointed.

Because a Wizard playing football is awesome. Oh and just because it’s a fantasy doesn’t mean it’s not real….huh? What? Right…

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