Tag Archives: president

And The Winner Is…

Put up your dukes, the results of the 3 round debate battle…

Yep, this is about the debates.  Yep, I’m talkin’ politics.  No, I do not consider myself supremely knowledgeable in the political department.  Yes, I do find it likely that I know more about politics than you despite my previous sentence.  Let’s start off with a disclaimer, I have voted in 2 of the 3 elections I could vote in, and both times I have voted, the guy I voted for has won the election.  If you were smart enough to figure that out, you realize that means that I have voted Republican once and Democrat once, I do not let a party affiliation lead me towards making a vote. If you also re-read that sentence about how my voting goes, then you realize that I, and I alone control the outcome of this election (If A=B and A+C=D, then obviously B+C=D too, duh!).  So with all that power and responsibility resting solely on me, I feel I should break down the winner and loser of each debate.  Why?  Because I feel I deserve an explanation to help me choose the best (of the worst) candidates!  If you’ve been following the shit that I write, you would also know that I am a big proponent of using Paper, Rock, Scissors to solve everything from war to elections.  Obviously the world doesn’t listen to me because it’s inhabitants are idiots (yourselves most likely included, wink face, smiley..oh I mean ;), 🙂 ).  My other way of voting has broke down to me standing in the voting booth saying “I’m [insert name] and I approve this message.”  From that I pick who’s name sounds the best in that sentence and vote for that person.  Is it a perfect system? Nope, but it’s better than the reasons most of you guys use to vote.  So yep, that’s why I’m breaking down the debates, because I could stand to give myself another system to vote for the leader of the free world, and frankly because there was a lot of funny shit that happened during these things.  If you didn’t know Obama and Romney hated each other, well now you know. Let’s do this!

Round 1, FIGHT! (University of Denver, Denver, Colorado)

Wednesday, October 3rd.  20 years ago on this day, Barrack Obama married Michelle.  And on this day he has to debate.  Romney came out guns ablazing, Obama came out bumbling like an idiot.  Any questions asked had Obama stuttering like the little kid from “Billy Madison” (“Ta-ta-ta-ta-today Junior!”).  Romney didn’t really do anything to stand out as awesome, Obama just looked bad.  I think he knew that Michelle (I’d vote for her over both of these fools) was gonna whoop his ass for ruining their anniversary.  Seriously, I know it’s a stereotype, but I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t be afraid of my angry black wife for not doing her right on our anniversary.  He had no chance to win this.  Romney knew this.  Advantage: Romney

Round 2, FIGHT! (Hofstra University, Hempstead, NY)

Tuesday, October 16th.  On this night, I decided a few things. One, that Romney has amazing hair. Two, I want binders full of women (seriously, dude needs a honey).  Three, how the hell did the people who asked the questions to these 2 come up with the questions?  Seriously, I was more annoyed with the people asking the questions than the questions being asked…like for real, your ass is gonna come up with that question? Or to that dude whose co-workers spoke about Libya or any other Middle Eastern country at work? C’mon son, you know damn well someone gave you that question and you were just the puppet.  Anyways, aside from those points and Obama looking confident and like a leader and Romney turning into the lost one, it was boring.  Romney should have known Obama was gonna come out swinging, he should have countered instead of taking body blows all night.  Advantage: Obama

Round 3, FIGHT! (Lynn University, Boca Raton, FL)

“The 1980’s are calling to ask for their foreign policy back” -Obama (paraphrased).  First, if the 1980’s called, someone better have taken a better message than that and gotten their damn number, because dammit that 1980’s were amazing.  Second, oooooohhh burrrrnnn, dammmnnn, he got you sonnn!  Zing, Obama comes out swinging. Now fill in the “foreign policy” debate with these words/phrases: Iran, 4 years closer to nuclear Iran, Israel, middle east, arab spring, United Nations, Russia, China, jihadist, Osama Bin Laden.  From the way Romney talked up his state, it made me wonder if Massachusetts was now in a different country.  From the way the topic kept going to education, it made me think both Obama and Romney are ADD as hell (no offense to you ADD’ers out there).  Romney thinks Russia is the bad guy, both guys think muslims are the bad guys, one guy has actually killed a terrorist. That guy is Obama bin Laden, whoops (if you didn’t watch the debate, then you don’t know that the moderator actually said that).  He came out throwing haymakers, and landed enough to win this round, plus any time you can name drop that you killed the world’s most recent notorious terrorist, you can’t really lose the foreign policy debate.  Advantage: Obama

Results: Obama 2, Romney 1

That’s how I scored it from home folks.  Does this shit actually mean anything? Nope.  90% of you already were voting for who you wanted before watching any of this.  Don’t lie to me, and don’t lie to yourself.  Seriously, stop lying asshole!  I will continue to say that I think both candidates aren’t the best we can do as a nation.  We are effin America son, we shouldn’t be dealing with second fiddle “lesser of two evils” bullshit.  In truth, we need someone like Batman to run this country.  Ron Paul is probably the closest thing to him we got.  Rich dude, check.  Smart, check.  Devilishly handsome, check.  Ron Paul is the hero we deserve.  He is the hero we need.  Sadly we got stuck with Aquaman and the Green Lantern, bit characters who really don’t deserve their own show/movie/comic outside of the group stuff.  Vote for who you hate the least.  Or for who you think is less stupid.  Or for who is blacker.  Or for who is whiter.  Or for who spray tans more. Or for whose name sounds better as you try to repeat commercials in your head.  It’s your call.  Shit, or don’t vote, that’s your call too.  But if you don’t vote, don’t bitch about it.  As for me, I’ll vote and then bitch anyway, even when I tried to write myself in as president.  I approve this message.

(This shit is pretty funny)

(He got jokes too)

 

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Campaigning…

One day I want to run for President anonymously.  My whole campaign would be smoke and mirrors type shit.  Only my inner circle would know who I am.  My campaign would be as simple as it can be.  “Vote for Me.”  That’s all I would put up everywhere around the country.  No one would know that “Me” is me, but they’d know my platform.  My thoughts on the economy, foreign policy, health care, education, and energy would be practical.  I’m no Romney, and I’m no Obama, and to me that’s a good thing.  In times like this where it seems like everyone is picking a President because he’s the “lesser of two evils,” practicality is what is lacking. This thought process has always been so baffling to me, mostly due to the fact that we are the strongest nation in the world and the best we can come up with is “lesser of two evils” and not an actual solid candidate…sad face.  Disclaimer, I have voted in two elections, once voting Republican and once voting Democrat.  I do not like to say I am of a particular party because I think that both have their faults.  I also don’t like being called an independent, so let’s just say that I am American and let that be that.  So without further delay, my policy fixes for the whole world to behold:

  1. Economy – Tier the taxes.  Reduce the tax breaks.  Economies crumble worldwide due to a lack of a true middle-class.  We can’t let that happen here.  Use accountants, math-magicians, and economists to come up with a viable plan that taxes certain brackets at certain levels.  Cut tax breaks to a max of 7-12% lower than your bracket.  There is no reason billionaires should be paying a less percentage of taxes than hundred-thousandaires.  I understand that by doing this, the wealthy are paying more than others as is, but they are also making more, and let’s be real here, the rich can “afford” it…literally.
  2. Foreign Policy – Bring back our troops.  Mediate.  Help with negotiations.  Attack when threatened.  We shouldn’t instigate wars (not saying we have, but just throwing this in my policy).  We shouldn’t be the first to defend every country.  America is over 200 years old as we know it as a Democracy, and we still aren’t a perfect nation.  We can’t force Democracy on other nations.  It isn’t feasible, and as shown in Iraq, it isn’t easy to accomplish.  Use the money from the wars to help create jobs for the soldiers during “peace time.”  Maybe even use the soldiers to have a solid home defense that’s on call.  No one is stupid enough to think they can win a war against the USA.  They can attempt to strike fear, but if we use our resources to monitor and defend, by improving Homeland Security, we will be left alone (one man’s opinion).
  3. Health care – Yeh insurance for everyone is great in theory, but theory sometimes isn’t practical.  The problem with health care isn’t that everyone needs insurance, the problem is that the insurance companies are winning in their little game of monopoly.  We should first fix the insurance companies.  That is where the real problem lies.  Decrease the premiums and make insurance affordable.  Providing health care for all only gives the insurance companies more power.  You have to remove the head of the snake to kill it…the health care issue is the snake, the insurance companies are the head.
  4. Education – Make school affordable and available for all.  Some states have programs where if you maintain certain GPA’s you can attend public universities for free.  This works great for families who can not afford to provide for their children otherwise. Education shouldn’t be a burden on students.  A student shouldn’t avoid medical, law, or any professional program because of the return on investment.  Work with the number guys regarding the economy to figure out a way to make students get breaks on their student loans in the form of tax credits or lowering interest rates.  If you reduce the interest rates on student loans or even allow those who’ve borrowed to write off the full interest on their loans, that saved money will be thrown back into the economy.  Fix this now.
  5. Energy – Become a more efficient nation.  Use the wind, it’s free.  Use the sun, it’s free.  Continue pushing fuel efficiency in vehicles.  Reduce power usage with smarter factories, smarter homes, smarter people.  One idiot can mess things up for everyone.  Cut down on usage by using what you need and not what you have.  Think about it.

I know I’ll never be President of the United States, but that doesn’t mean I can’t say what I want and think will help fix it.  Maybe this November, everyone can write me in on the ballots.  And if not this year, watch out for me in 2020 (those who know me will get the reference).  Remember folks, VOTE FOR “ME,” you won’t regret it.

I’m this guy (thumbs pointing right at my face), and I approved this message.

The slogan that can’t lose…Together “Me” can??

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