Tag Archives: Obama

Once You Go Black…

…you’ll never go back!! What it do baybay??  Well I’ll be damned if that isn’t the truth, America got a taste of chocolate in 2008 and sure enough it was a flavor that lingered just enough to want some more.  Election 2012 is over (THANK GOD!!) and America has spoken, 4 more years of President Barrack Obama.  To me the results of the election weren’t as good as the following different media outlets.  I’m looking at you Fox News and MSNBC.  Once the election was “called” on projections for Obama, all kinds of funny shit started happening.  Karl Rove started going nuts saying that by his math Romney would win Ohio, and that all other people are wrong, the Republican Party apparently followed suit and withheld the “concession” of the election because of these reports.  You then had Rachel Maddow (aka Matthew Perry) vocally berating Fox News and her co-hosts saying the use of the word “talent” to describe “those guys” was both laughable and silly.  Then watching the back and forth you could see the hate the Liberal channel had for the Conservative channel.  And I loved every minute of it.  It’s good entertainment.  What they should have done was have them be in the same room and just go at it.  But alas that didn’t happen (sadly).

Anyways, let’s get to why BO won this election.  He won it because of Mitt Romney and Sandy.  The Republican nominee’s inability to perceive minorities as an actual viable voting population cost him.  His 47% statement was damning to his election.  Doing the math, according to Romney, 47% was voting for Obama, leaving 53% of the population.  So technically you need to get 51% of that population to vote for you.  He got around 49%, which is pretty good, but factored with the way the electoral college process works, this wasn’t gonna win it for him.  Romney may have been right with his 47% statement, but even if he was, it’s just plain idiotic to ever say that shit out loud.  By doing so, he alienated the elderly, African Americans, Latinos, new immigrants from anywhere, the gay population, and basically anybody not white.  This was a horrible strategy in 1- vocalizing it and 2- actually following through on it.  That’s a lot of “undecideds” that you are just saying you don’t care what they do.  Now you know better for the next time. Oh and to build a little more on that Mitt Romney being the problem, think about this now Conservative Right, if you’d have nominated Ron Paul, we’d probably have a new president. And then you have Hurricane Sandy.  That girl done messed up Romney’s bid for President.  At a time when the country didn’t know if Obama was the guy to lead in a crisis situation, Sandy showed up and showed the country that he can.  He used FEMA wisely and strategically when Romney publicly called for ending FEMA’s relief control.  Foot in mouth moment again for Romney.

There you have it folks, that’s how you lose an election.  Obama may have won the election, but in reality this thing was lost by Willard Mitt Romney.

PS:  How the hell is our voting system so outdated?? Why can’t we actually have instant results instead of projections?? Tech nerds/geeks, get this shit right, you have 4 years to fix it!

Not gonna lie, this made me bust out laughing…some people are so clever these days!

If only there was something clever that could go with “Once you go Brown” I’d be in business…sadly there isn’t…


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

And The Winner Is…

Put up your dukes, the results of the 3 round debate battle…

Yep, this is about the debates.  Yep, I’m talkin’ politics.  No, I do not consider myself supremely knowledgeable in the political department.  Yes, I do find it likely that I know more about politics than you despite my previous sentence.  Let’s start off with a disclaimer, I have voted in 2 of the 3 elections I could vote in, and both times I have voted, the guy I voted for has won the election.  If you were smart enough to figure that out, you realize that means that I have voted Republican once and Democrat once, I do not let a party affiliation lead me towards making a vote. If you also re-read that sentence about how my voting goes, then you realize that I, and I alone control the outcome of this election (If A=B and A+C=D, then obviously B+C=D too, duh!).  So with all that power and responsibility resting solely on me, I feel I should break down the winner and loser of each debate.  Why?  Because I feel I deserve an explanation to help me choose the best (of the worst) candidates!  If you’ve been following the shit that I write, you would also know that I am a big proponent of using Paper, Rock, Scissors to solve everything from war to elections.  Obviously the world doesn’t listen to me because it’s inhabitants are idiots (yourselves most likely included, wink face, smiley..oh I mean ;), 🙂 ).  My other way of voting has broke down to me standing in the voting booth saying “I’m [insert name] and I approve this message.”  From that I pick who’s name sounds the best in that sentence and vote for that person.  Is it a perfect system? Nope, but it’s better than the reasons most of you guys use to vote.  So yep, that’s why I’m breaking down the debates, because I could stand to give myself another system to vote for the leader of the free world, and frankly because there was a lot of funny shit that happened during these things.  If you didn’t know Obama and Romney hated each other, well now you know. Let’s do this!

Round 1, FIGHT! (University of Denver, Denver, Colorado)

Wednesday, October 3rd.  20 years ago on this day, Barrack Obama married Michelle.  And on this day he has to debate.  Romney came out guns ablazing, Obama came out bumbling like an idiot.  Any questions asked had Obama stuttering like the little kid from “Billy Madison” (“Ta-ta-ta-ta-today Junior!”).  Romney didn’t really do anything to stand out as awesome, Obama just looked bad.  I think he knew that Michelle (I’d vote for her over both of these fools) was gonna whoop his ass for ruining their anniversary.  Seriously, I know it’s a stereotype, but I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t be afraid of my angry black wife for not doing her right on our anniversary.  He had no chance to win this.  Romney knew this.  Advantage: Romney

Round 2, FIGHT! (Hofstra University, Hempstead, NY)

Tuesday, October 16th.  On this night, I decided a few things. One, that Romney has amazing hair. Two, I want binders full of women (seriously, dude needs a honey).  Three, how the hell did the people who asked the questions to these 2 come up with the questions?  Seriously, I was more annoyed with the people asking the questions than the questions being asked…like for real, your ass is gonna come up with that question? Or to that dude whose co-workers spoke about Libya or any other Middle Eastern country at work? C’mon son, you know damn well someone gave you that question and you were just the puppet.  Anyways, aside from those points and Obama looking confident and like a leader and Romney turning into the lost one, it was boring.  Romney should have known Obama was gonna come out swinging, he should have countered instead of taking body blows all night.  Advantage: Obama

Round 3, FIGHT! (Lynn University, Boca Raton, FL)

“The 1980’s are calling to ask for their foreign policy back” -Obama (paraphrased).  First, if the 1980’s called, someone better have taken a better message than that and gotten their damn number, because dammit that 1980’s were amazing.  Second, oooooohhh burrrrnnn, dammmnnn, he got you sonnn!  Zing, Obama comes out swinging. Now fill in the “foreign policy” debate with these words/phrases: Iran, 4 years closer to nuclear Iran, Israel, middle east, arab spring, United Nations, Russia, China, jihadist, Osama Bin Laden.  From the way Romney talked up his state, it made me wonder if Massachusetts was now in a different country.  From the way the topic kept going to education, it made me think both Obama and Romney are ADD as hell (no offense to you ADD’ers out there).  Romney thinks Russia is the bad guy, both guys think muslims are the bad guys, one guy has actually killed a terrorist. That guy is Obama bin Laden, whoops (if you didn’t watch the debate, then you don’t know that the moderator actually said that).  He came out throwing haymakers, and landed enough to win this round, plus any time you can name drop that you killed the world’s most recent notorious terrorist, you can’t really lose the foreign policy debate.  Advantage: Obama

Results: Obama 2, Romney 1

That’s how I scored it from home folks.  Does this shit actually mean anything? Nope.  90% of you already were voting for who you wanted before watching any of this.  Don’t lie to me, and don’t lie to yourself.  Seriously, stop lying asshole!  I will continue to say that I think both candidates aren’t the best we can do as a nation.  We are effin America son, we shouldn’t be dealing with second fiddle “lesser of two evils” bullshit.  In truth, we need someone like Batman to run this country.  Ron Paul is probably the closest thing to him we got.  Rich dude, check.  Smart, check.  Devilishly handsome, check.  Ron Paul is the hero we deserve.  He is the hero we need.  Sadly we got stuck with Aquaman and the Green Lantern, bit characters who really don’t deserve their own show/movie/comic outside of the group stuff.  Vote for who you hate the least.  Or for who you think is less stupid.  Or for who is blacker.  Or for who is whiter.  Or for who spray tans more. Or for whose name sounds better as you try to repeat commercials in your head.  It’s your call.  Shit, or don’t vote, that’s your call too.  But if you don’t vote, don’t bitch about it.  As for me, I’ll vote and then bitch anyway, even when I tried to write myself in as president.  I approve this message.

(This shit is pretty funny)

(He got jokes too)


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,



  1. The action or process of replacing someone or something.
  2. A person or thing that takes the place of another.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s just go ahead and say it together now.  The replacement officials in the NFL suck.  OK, that felt good.  As long as we are all in agreement on this one, we can move on.  Or can we?  This past weekend was filled with horrible officiating.  Last night’s Seahawks vs. Packers game was perhaps the worst end game situation ever decided by an officiating crew.  If you haven’t seen the replays or heard the uproar in the news (or read the players’ reactions around the NFL on Twitter, which by the way is hilarious) then get on it son.  Take a few minutes out of your day to watch it. Two things that stand out clearly on the play, one is that Golden Tate absolutely pushed off Sam Shields (missed offensive pass interference call) and two, M.D. Jennings intercepted the ball and all Golden Tate did was essentially hug Jennings and put a hand on the ball (and I assume he called “first” like he was playing pick up basketball, that is the only way in my mind that the ref could have been that confused to call that a touchdown).  That’s right, Golden Tate (who the hell names their child Golden?) cheated once to get a chance at the ball, then cheated again and pretended he had the ball, and the refs were like, “sounds good to me.”  The NFL’s commitment to integrity and player safety are out the window.  These “officials” officially suck (and that folks was a pun).  They have yet to control a game.  I don’t even think half of them know the rules.  Am I being harsh? Nope. I’m being real.

Let’s go through 5 (in no particular order) other jobs not as important as officiating where replacements would be just as horrible an idea:

  1. Air Force Pilots – Sure the replacement pilot flies Southwest airplanes, psshh he’s seen Top Gun like 20 times, of course he can do those cool turns in a jet!
  2. Doctors – Hey look guys, these Veterinarians can do just as good of a job, I mean, Pig and Human anatomy are almost identical.
  3. Accountants – Well he did get an A+ in Calculus, of course he’s qualified to handle your accounts!
  4. Lawyers – Our team is composed of the finest debate team standouts from their high school days, they can argue the hell out of anything (OK, this one might not be as far fetched…kidding lawyers, kidding).
  5. Mechanics – Experience? Oh well our guys were Lego Maniacs growing up, they can put shit together and take it apart fast!

Yes I just compared all of that to what is going on in the NFL right now.  Replacement refs have to go.  Hell, last week they had to remove an official because he was about to call a game for his favorite team (dude was in Saints gear all over his Facebook wall, and no me and him are not Facebook friends).  So since all of us watching can easily see what’s right and wrong, how are these replacements (with the aide of instant replay) still messing up? Well I’ll give you some reasons as to why, according to Twitter:

  1. They were filming a new Buffalo Wild Wings commercial and the guy at the bar hit the “Seattle wins” button.
  2. The ref who signaled touchdown had Golden Tate on his fantasy football team.
  3. The ref who signaled touchdown was playing against the Packers defense in fantasy football.

And now some quick fix solutions to the problem:

  1. Have Mitt Romney or Barrack Obama pay the $9 million difference between the NFL and the REAL officials and thereby gain more votes (Saw this on Twitter and busted out laughing, then kind of cried a little because this might actually help one of those idiots win the election).
  2. Have players call their own penalties and plays, kind of like pick up basketball (wait, isn’t that what’s happening now?).
  3. Kidnap Roger Goodell and send in his doppelganger to make fan supported decisions (ability to vote on the next play for the offense via texting!)
  4. Befriend a set of the replacements, find out if they are willing to not make some calls in favor of a certain team, bet on said team, win lots of money (pretty sure that’s what’s goin’ on right now).

So there you have it folks, your 2012 NFL season is already a joke, and with all these bad calls, somehow my Redskins will never be on the receiving end of one.  Shakin’ my damn head…


Ref 1 – Umm I wasn’t even watching the play, I was checking out the cheerleaders
Ref 2 – Shit a play happened? Touchdown!!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Random Dream

I had a crazy ass dream last night.  It revolved around assassination attempts on me because get this, I was next in line to be President!  From what I can recall, I was chillin’ with Obama, and he was tellin’ me what was up with the Presidency so that I’d be ready for it.  A transition type thing.  They had already arrested the guy that was supposed to “shoot” me (some Minority Report shit right there).  The guy was part of this huge ass Bicycle Gang.  They would terrorize the sidewalks and major intersections (pretty accurate for what bike people do). Obama was tellin’ me that getting hated on by ways of assassination plots was constant and that I would just have to handle my business.  There was alot of other crazy shit that happened, but those are obviously the highlights (that I remember).  I wonder what my platform was that got me to be the next Prez.  I bet I sang alot for my speeches.  Hmm, or maybe it was my hilariousness? Either way World, I’m comin’ to take over! Watch out!

Indeed I am…

(By the way, I ended up surviving said attempts on my life…but never made it far enough in the dream to be President)

Tagged , ,