Tag Archives: michael jordan

NASA Is Back!

So after nothing cool happening from NASA in a while, they landed the Curiosity rover on Mars this morning at 1:33 AM.  The purpose of this “mission” is to drive a cool ass robot on another planet and tell all your friends about it…ok that isn’t really the purpose.  They are trying to assess whether or not the planet can be inhabitable.  Say whattttt??? That’s right!! I’m a be booking my ticket to Mars soon! Woohoo!  Well in theory it sounds cool.  That is, until you start looking at the logistics of the whole thing.  Let me start by saying its a 352 million mile trip (one way!), and you thought going to Disney World driving sucked?!  That ride alone would void the manufacturer’s warranty on whatever spaceship you buy.  Next on the “this isn’t as cool as it first sounded” list is that this trip STARTED November 26, 2011.  That was about NINE (9 for those of you who can’t read) months ago!!  Assuming that you aren’t going to Mars alone (unless there are hot single alien chicks there), then imagine being in a shuttle for 9 months with some annoying people! Have you ever flown anywhere?  That inevitable stinky passenger next to you, the little baby crying the whole flight, the lack of leg room…the horrendous possibilities are endless.  So best case scenario is the Mars is inhabitable right?  Then what? We go there and start building?  OK SIGN ME UP…like that’s gonna happen.  Who is gonna sign up to go build shit on freaking Mars?  Why don’t they just build stuff here on Earth? Not enough jobs. Dang, that economy is killing everything.  Ok fine, we go to Mars and build and live there.  Really cool stuff.  Do they have internet?  Do they have electricity?  Will Mars have running water?  Let’s say the answer is yes to all of those. The real question is, how the hell do we get back to Earth if we don’t like it on Mars?  Anyone have an answer to that?  We’d be stuck.  Forever.  Unless the aliens from Space Jam can give us a ride, we are screwed.  So as “cool” as the Curiosity rover mission is, it’s really all for nothing.  We can learn all we want about Mars and whether or not people can live on it, but remember we haven’t even sent people (non astronaut people) to VISIT the moon (still don’t think anyone has ever been there, conspiracies galore!).  The rover Curiosity is nothing more than a glorified remote control car that is chilling where there aren’t any people saying, “you can’t use that thing here!”  Curiosity may indeed tell us if Mars is inhabitable or not, but remember “Curiosity killed the cat” and although I have no idea what cat was killed, I’m allergic to cats so I’m kinda cool with it.  But you know what I won’t be cool with?  Aliens on Mars killing people.  That just won’t be cool at all.

Curiosity…wait a damn minute! Let me find out that NASA sent WALL-E to Mars and this is all a crazy sequel…

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Dream Team Debate

Recently Kobe Bryant said he thinks that the current Team USA could beat the Dream Team from the ’92 Olympics.  Many people have chimed in on this already, but let’s be honest, my opinion is the only one that really matters.  In saying that, I would also like to say that Kobe Bryant is an idiot if he actually believes that.  Seriously Kobe, shut the hell up.  I will provide a player by player analysis comparing similar players from each team to evaluate who I think (and obviously I’m gonna be correct on this shit) would win that individual battle.  Then we can tally up all the wins and losses and see who should in theory win that game.  Here we go:

  • Starting PG – Magic Johnson vs. Chris Paul.  I don’t care if Magic had syphilis, chlamydia, and herpes to go along with HIV, he still is a better player than CP3 and his size alone would cause a huge mismatch problem.  Yeh CP3 is fast, but that’s what help defense is for.  I don’t see CP3 ripping Magic and scoring any easy buckets.  Oh Magic hadn’t played in a year? Your point? That previous year he took his team to the Finals.  Not even close.  Edge: Dream Team.
  • Starting SG – Michael Jordan vs. Kobe Bryant.  Hey Kobe, you asked for it, you would absolutely get murdered.  Kobe has copied Jordan his whole career but he will never be Jordan.  MJ in a landslide.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Starting SF – Charles Barkley vs. Carmelo Anthony.  Sir Charles dominate Melo.  Chuck plays physical defense, and is a punisher on offense.  Remember this is Chuck in his best condition as a professional ball player.  Melo is lazy, and is a volume scorer.  That’s great when you are the only star on your team, but not so great if you are amongst stars. Edge: Dream Team
  • Starting PF – Karl Malone vs. LeBron James.  Ok so some would say that LBJ could be the 3, but either way whether he’s the 3 or 4, he is gonna win that battle and whoever the other forward position is would lose.  It’s alot closer than you would think because LBJ has never had to guard people of this caliber on defense then have to actually have the size and athleticism match up on him offensively.  Edge: 2012
  • Starting C – Patrick Ewing vs Tyson Chandler.  Really? Ewing would make Chandler inefficient.  Chandler defends around the hoop, Ewing is best facing the rim from 8-12 feet out. Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench PG – John Stockton vs Russel Westbrook.  Stockton is one of the best PG of all time, but he never had to face anyone with the speed and athleticism at the point like Westbrook.  In a one on one game, Westbrook wins easily, in a TEAM game Stockton dominates because of court vision and ability to not turn the ball over or take dumb shots.  Edge: Even
  • Bench Wing – Clyde Drexler vs. Andre Iguodola.  Clyde.  All day.  Every day. Are you freaking kidding me.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench Wing – Chris Mullin vs. Kevin Durant.  The dream needed some shooters, Mullin was one of em.  Kevin Durant is incredible tho.  Durantulla dominates this.  Edge: 2012
  • Bench Wing – Scottie Pippen vs James Harden.  Yeh I thought so, Pip running away with this.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench – Larry Bird vs. Deron Williams.  I love Larry Legend.  Even when he was old he was doin THANGS.  Williams is a good PG, but in a shooting contest who do you pick?  Shit in a game of one on one who do you pick?  Yep, the Hick from French Lick.  Edge: Dream Team.
  • Bench Post – David Robinson vs. Kevin Love.  I love me some Kevin Love, but the Admiral in his prime would demolish him.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench College Player – Christian Laettner vs Anthony Davis.  Dukie was the better offensive player, but Anthony Davis athletically is a freak.  I would easily pick Davis.  It has nothing to do with the fact that I hate Duke either.  Edge: 2012

12 players.  9 wins for the Dream Team.  3 wins for the 2012 team.  The problem is 2 of those wins were bench players.  So if you shorten the bench, they might not even be wins.  Hell if you switch the lineups some you could say that if you matched MJ on LBJ and a Pip in his prime defensively on Kobe, that they’d win those battles too.  Even still, LBJ and KD are the only 2 (Kobe 4 years ago, not now) that could earn a spot on the team right now.

When Larry Bird was told of Kobe’s comments, he replied, “They probably could. I haven’t played in 20 years and we’re all old now.”  If we go off of trash talk, the Dream Team would win there too.

Seriously, why the hell was Christian Laettner on this team. They REALLY didn’t want Isiah on this team huh.

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