Tag Archives: magic johnson

Dream Team Debate

Recently Kobe Bryant said he thinks that the current Team USA could beat the Dream Team from the ’92 Olympics.  Many people have chimed in on this already, but let’s be honest, my opinion is the only one that really matters.  In saying that, I would also like to say that Kobe Bryant is an idiot if he actually believes that.  Seriously Kobe, shut the hell up.  I will provide a player by player analysis comparing similar players from each team to evaluate who I think (and obviously I’m gonna be correct on this shit) would win that individual battle.  Then we can tally up all the wins and losses and see who should in theory win that game.  Here we go:

  • Starting PG – Magic Johnson vs. Chris Paul.  I don’t care if Magic had syphilis, chlamydia, and herpes to go along with HIV, he still is a better player than CP3 and his size alone would cause a huge mismatch problem.  Yeh CP3 is fast, but that’s what help defense is for.  I don’t see CP3 ripping Magic and scoring any easy buckets.  Oh Magic hadn’t played in a year? Your point? That previous year he took his team to the Finals.  Not even close.  Edge: Dream Team.
  • Starting SG – Michael Jordan vs. Kobe Bryant.  Hey Kobe, you asked for it, you would absolutely get murdered.  Kobe has copied Jordan his whole career but he will never be Jordan.  MJ in a landslide.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Starting SF – Charles Barkley vs. Carmelo Anthony.  Sir Charles dominate Melo.  Chuck plays physical defense, and is a punisher on offense.  Remember this is Chuck in his best condition as a professional ball player.  Melo is lazy, and is a volume scorer.  That’s great when you are the only star on your team, but not so great if you are amongst stars. Edge: Dream Team
  • Starting PF – Karl Malone vs. LeBron James.  Ok so some would say that LBJ could be the 3, but either way whether he’s the 3 or 4, he is gonna win that battle and whoever the other forward position is would lose.  It’s alot closer than you would think because LBJ has never had to guard people of this caliber on defense then have to actually have the size and athleticism match up on him offensively.  Edge: 2012
  • Starting C – Patrick Ewing vs Tyson Chandler.  Really? Ewing would make Chandler inefficient.  Chandler defends around the hoop, Ewing is best facing the rim from 8-12 feet out. Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench PG – John Stockton vs Russel Westbrook.  Stockton is one of the best PG of all time, but he never had to face anyone with the speed and athleticism at the point like Westbrook.  In a one on one game, Westbrook wins easily, in a TEAM game Stockton dominates because of court vision and ability to not turn the ball over or take dumb shots.  Edge: Even
  • Bench Wing – Clyde Drexler vs. Andre Iguodola.  Clyde.  All day.  Every day. Are you freaking kidding me.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench Wing – Chris Mullin vs. Kevin Durant.  The dream needed some shooters, Mullin was one of em.  Kevin Durant is incredible tho.  Durantulla dominates this.  Edge: 2012
  • Bench Wing – Scottie Pippen vs James Harden.  Yeh I thought so, Pip running away with this.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench – Larry Bird vs. Deron Williams.  I love Larry Legend.  Even when he was old he was doin THANGS.  Williams is a good PG, but in a shooting contest who do you pick?  Shit in a game of one on one who do you pick?  Yep, the Hick from French Lick.  Edge: Dream Team.
  • Bench Post – David Robinson vs. Kevin Love.  I love me some Kevin Love, but the Admiral in his prime would demolish him.  Edge: Dream Team
  • Bench College Player – Christian Laettner vs Anthony Davis.  Dukie was the better offensive player, but Anthony Davis athletically is a freak.  I would easily pick Davis.  It has nothing to do with the fact that I hate Duke either.  Edge: 2012

12 players.  9 wins for the Dream Team.  3 wins for the 2012 team.  The problem is 2 of those wins were bench players.  So if you shorten the bench, they might not even be wins.  Hell if you switch the lineups some you could say that if you matched MJ on LBJ and a Pip in his prime defensively on Kobe, that they’d win those battles too.  Even still, LBJ and KD are the only 2 (Kobe 4 years ago, not now) that could earn a spot on the team right now.

When Larry Bird was told of Kobe’s comments, he replied, “They probably could. I haven’t played in 20 years and we’re all old now.”  If we go off of trash talk, the Dream Team would win there too.

Seriously, why the hell was Christian Laettner on this team. They REALLY didn’t want Isiah on this team huh.

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Dear Doctors

Dear Doctors,

Stop lying to me assholes.  I love yall for what you do for people (aka helping them for the most part), but I hate it when you guys lie to us.  “This isn’t gonna hurt” or what they meant to say “this pain is going to blow your damn mind.”  I know why you do it, but it doesn’t make it right.  And even though I KNOW that what you are telling me isn’t true, I still believe it long enough for you to go on and trick me.  I hate that I fall for this every time (I’m sure most of you do as well), and I hate that you keep doing it.  I know plenty of doctors, and I’m just putting it on record that I trust about 3.2% of you guys.  I’ve hung out with you fools, I’ve gone out with you idiots, and that’s why I wouldn’t recommend the other 96.8% (I’m great at math I know!) to anybody I knew.  “This will sting for about 2 seconds” aka “this will make you scream like a 4 year old girl who had her cake taken away, because cake is delicious and she wanted to eat it, but it was taken away from her, that’s why she is crying, oh and somebody kicked her in the face to take her cake away, she’s probably crying because of that too.” For the record, I didn’t go to the doctor’s office today, this just came to me (insert heavenly ahhhh sound).

On the bright side of things, at least I haven’t gotten the Magic Johnson treatment, you know when the doctor told him, “no you don’t have anything to worry about Magic!” but really meant “holy shit, you have HIV bro!” Glad I had nothing to do with that convo (Too soon?).

Side note, I do like Magic Johnson, it was just too easy to use in the context of this rant…

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What’s It Worth To You?

Well holy shit Oregon! So apparently some chick went on the dating site eHarmony and after her 4th (yep only 4 guys, time for y’all to move to Oregon) date had sex with the man she met off of the site.  Here’s where this story gets interesting (well I guess us knowing she’s down on the 4th date is interesting too), the day after they did the deed, homeboy tells her he has Herpes.  Yep, Herpes.  How many people didn’t see that coming?  I actually expected it.  So what did this young woman do?  Well she sued him of course.  She sued him for giving her Herpes.  And guess what?  She won. She won $900,000!! For getting Herpes!!  I know girls/guys who would be down for getting Herpes for FREE!!! This trick got almost a million dollars!!  W.T.F!! How is that possible???  How is getting a SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE (key word SEXUAL) not warning enough that if you have sex, you might get a disease??  I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  So if we’ve valued Herpes to be $900K, what’s the number for Syphilis? $1.3 million? Hmm, what about Gonnorhea? Is that worth like $750k?  Where does each STD lie on the monetary payback scale?  I think we are all entitled to know this shit!! Hell what if someone gave me the flu?  Can I get like 10 bucks? Also, did anyone tell Magic Johnson about this?  I bet he could make bank going after the chick (we assume it’s a chick) who gave him HIV!!  Shit, HIV is prob worth $3-4 million!  Magic, I got you son! As stupid as this story sounds, it’s true.  That folks is what is going on with our legal system.  My advice to men and women everywhere, write a contract before you get it on (Barry White style).  Save yourself the embarassment of having to pay up after giving your “partner” a little something extra.  For those of you who already got your “present,” time to start brainstorming and try to figure out who or what you got it from.  Ching ching! As for me, I’m bout to find out who gave me Pink Eye!! I’m a be rich!! PF Changs Mongolian Beef for dinner rich!!

The gift that keeps on giving. She got Herpes and $900,000. Best on-line date of her life!

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