Tag Archives: lawsuit

What’s It Worth To You?

Well holy shit Oregon! So apparently some chick went on the dating site eHarmony and after her 4th (yep only 4 guys, time for y’all to move to Oregon) date had sex with the man she met off of the site.  Here’s where this story gets interesting (well I guess us knowing she’s down on the 4th date is interesting too), the day after they did the deed, homeboy tells her he has Herpes.  Yep, Herpes.  How many people didn’t see that coming?  I actually expected it.  So what did this young woman do?  Well she sued him of course.  She sued him for giving her Herpes.  And guess what?  She won. She won $900,000!! For getting Herpes!!  I know girls/guys who would be down for getting Herpes for FREE!!! This trick got almost a million dollars!!  W.T.F!! How is that possible???  How is getting a SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE (key word SEXUAL) not warning enough that if you have sex, you might get a disease??  I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  So if we’ve valued Herpes to be $900K, what’s the number for Syphilis? $1.3 million? Hmm, what about Gonnorhea? Is that worth like $750k?  Where does each STD lie on the monetary payback scale?  I think we are all entitled to know this shit!! Hell what if someone gave me the flu?  Can I get like 10 bucks? Also, did anyone tell Magic Johnson about this?  I bet he could make bank going after the chick (we assume it’s a chick) who gave him HIV!!  Shit, HIV is prob worth $3-4 million!  Magic, I got you son! As stupid as this story sounds, it’s true.  That folks is what is going on with our legal system.  My advice to men and women everywhere, write a contract before you get it on (Barry White style).  Save yourself the embarassment of having to pay up after giving your “partner” a little something extra.  For those of you who already got your “present,” time to start brainstorming and try to figure out who or what you got it from.  Ching ching! As for me, I’m bout to find out who gave me Pink Eye!! I’m a be rich!! PF Changs Mongolian Beef for dinner rich!!

The gift that keeps on giving. She got Herpes and $900,000. Best on-line date of her life!

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You see what I did there? Skechers, the shoe company. Get it? Get it? So I wake up to read a bunch of articles on how the FTC (go ahead texting generation, look up what FTC means) fined Skechers $40 million dollars for false advertising/claims.  What exactly was the false advertising? Well for starters, that people could end up looking like Kim Kardashian or Brooke Burke.  They could have had people wearing 2 pairs of shoes and that shit wouldn’t have happened.  Their commercials claimed “butt-toning.”  Come on people, did you really think that wearing shoes was gonna tone your butt? Really?? Did you think that by wearing Skechers, you wouldn’t have to exercise at all?  Don’t lie to me, you know you did.  And for that you are the idiots, not Skechers.  The fools who bought the Shape-Ups should be fined $40 million for thinking that those shits would actually work!  Shit I have a product that will help you lose weight just by using it every time you eat.  I’m being serious.  It’s a standard sized dinner plate with a big ass hole in the middle of it (Patent Pending). You are only allowed to eat what you can fit on the plate.  Follow that plan and lose tons of weight fast! Guaranteed! I don’t know about you guys, but the moment I saw a commercial for this product I immediately thought 3 things:

  1. Those shoes are ugly as shit!
  2. They must have paid (insert star) a shit ton of money to wear those ugly ass shoes.
  3. There is no way in hell those shoes work.

If you didn’t think those 3 things when you saw this commercial, I don’t know if we can be friends (who are we kidding, we probably weren’t friends to begin with).  The sad thing is now everyone is gonna jump on this fine/settlement/lawsuit to try and get whatever money they can.  Why? Because that’s how we roll in America.  We do something stupid, and then we wanna bank off of mistakes we made.  And yes, I am reiterating that the mistake was in people actually thinking they could lose weight in a shoe.  Hell, I ain’t a fitness guru, but I do know that wearing shoes while sitting on a couch isn’t gonna help you lose weight.  Were you just staring at your new Skechers Shape-Ups and telling them to “go!”  That’s not how it works.  I bet if I walked a mile in your shoes, I’d be pissed I looked like an idiot for wearing those damn shoes.  But I also bet if you walked a mile in your own shoes every day then the weight loss would have actually happened.  Just sayin’.

OMG!! If I wear these shoes I will look like her??? Does that mean I get to do a sex tape to get famous too?!? (Clicking heels together) Wait, how does this shit work?
(Pretty sure that’s the story of everyone who bought these damn shoes)

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