Tag Archives: Internet

Man vs. Hiccups

So last night something strange (I don’t think I’ve used the word strange in at least 2 years, strange huh? See what I did there?) happened to me.  So I’m watching Sportscenter when all of a sudden I start hiccuping.  Naturally, the first thing I do is hold my breath so that it will go away.  Didn’t work.  So I remember that I was told that since hiccups are an involuntary action, if I try to force myself to hiccup they will go away.  So I try this, but for some reason, this shit didn’t work either. I wish that the friends I was hanging out with just an hour earlier were still around so they could scare me, but alas, they were gone too.  Plus can you really get scared if you know that someone is trying to scare you?  At this point I’ve been hiccuping for the last 10 minutes, and not gonna lie, I’m kinda freaking out.  I go back to this news report I saw once of this guy who had hiccups for a few years, and the freak out continues.  I start wondering how I’m gonna communicate with people if I’m hiccuping, or how am I going to sing (because I’m a superstar and all…just sayin’) and all these crazy things are running through my head. 30 minutes pass, I’m still hiccuping.  Enter the Google.  “How to get rid of hiccups.”  I was led to various sites and remedies, pulling on your tongue (this shit doesn’t work and just hurts your tongue), eating a spoon full of sugar (def wasn’t gonna try that at 11pm), gargling water (made me spit out water as I was hiccuping).  None of that crap worked.  45 minutes passed, and I’m still hiccuping.  I was resigned to the fact that my life would be that of the hiccuping man.  Despite being completely freaked out, I just said well I tried, and started watching TV again.  Next thing I know, they were gone.  The hiccups had left me, thank God! So I went to sleep, and that was that.  Woke up this morning and they were back!! But luckily it only lasted a few minutes.  I think it was the hiccups reminding me that they have the power, and I can not refute this claim.  When the hiccups attack, you have no real defense other than to pray that they are just visiting for a short time.  In the end, the internet didn’t help, and that sucked, but good news is I won’t be that guy that has to hiccup the rest of his life.  Do any of you care about my hiccups? Nope.  Do I care that you don’t care? Hell Nope.  But if ya got any hiccup advice let me know, because I don’t know when my next showdown with hiccups will be, but I would love to battle with some weapons ya feels me.

Hiccups – 1
Me – 0

 

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The Day I Ran Out Of Internet…

A few days ago, I was bored out of my mind.  So naturally I surfed (cowabunga dude!) the internet.  I checked the sports sites, the news sites, the blogs, the entertainment sites, Facebook sucks, and everyone of my e-mails (yes I have a hotmail and yahoo account still, but no I do not check them but once every 3-4 months).  That took all of 30-45 minutes maybe.  Then, I was bored again.  Baseball and the Olympics being the only thing going on sports wise means the news is pretty boring in the sports world.  Internationally, people are still killing people and nobody really cares enough to help those who can’t defend themselves.  Entertainment wise, everybody is a tool.  Oh and apparently *NSYNC might be making a comeback.  The blogs are funny, but those provide temporary relief.  Facebook has been a snooze fest of late. And the e-mail accounts are 99.37% (pretty accurate measurement, I know) junk.  So there I was, out of things to do online.  I think back to what people did before the internet protected us from boredom and I honestly can’t remember what we would do.  Phone calls? Writing a letter? Drawing? Poetry? Listening to music? What the hell did we used to do when we didn’t have computers attached to us 24/7? I have no idea.  But I need to know ASAP.

The other day I ran out of internet… and I don’t know what to do and it scares me.  Sadface…

Where do I go from here? Helppp! I need somebody….Helpp! Not just anyyybodddy… Help!!! You know I need someoneeeee…..

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Time Warner Cable Sucks…

Normally, I’d go with something funny or amusing (to me anyway), but today, I’m just gonna throw out a little venting session.  Time Warner Cable you suck as a company.  Your service is crappy.  Your customer service is crappy.  Your pricing is crappy. You should be called Time Warner Crap.  Just a quick background, I called these fools 2 weeks ago for an upgrade in my internet (because it was horrible), I’m fully expecting to have to pay more obviously.  I talk to the customer service rep who assures me that they will take care of it fast for me and that, get this, it’s actually going to be cheaper than what I was paying because of a promotion.  Obviously this got me excited, I was like wow, TWC ain’t that bad after all.  So guy gets me excited that I’m getting faster internet at a cheaper rate. Win win right? WRONG, I get the bill and I am paying WAY more than I was promised, $20 a month more.  When I call to see what the hell is up, they respond with oh well that rep was misinformed.  I politely respond that the increase in cost was what I initially expected but that when someone promises you something they need to follow through with it.  They had me on hold various times for like 45 minutes, kept sending me back and forth to the same departments.  In the end, I didn’t get my promised rate, and the last guy told me to call back another time and maybe a different rep could help me (how does that make any sense at all?).  The problem is, these jerks monopolize this region.  I could switch to AT&T U-Verse, but AT&T sucks at everything.  Actually, all internet providers suck.  Is that like a prerequisite to starting an internet company? Comcast sucked, Verizon sucked, hmm, it’s a definite pattern.  I wanna cancel out of principle, but I need my “internets.”  If only DirecTV had internet (that didn’t go out during storms) I’d be a happy man.  Womp. Womp.

Pretty much how I feel right now…

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