Hey guys! I’m back! I know you missed me…YES YOU DID you assholes!! Anyways was gone out of town on a vacation/destination wedding (congrats Sup Sup and Yoda). Now I’m back, tan, and refreshed. Well I’m still tired and jet-lagged but refreshed in the greater sense of the word. If you’ve ever been at the airport during a holiday weekend, I’m sure your first thoughts are “I’m never doing this shit again.” So after that passes through your head, you just sit back and enjoy the annoyingness that is airports, TSA, and idiot travelers that surround you (because at least in my case, I know I’m not an idiot). So time for me to go off on the aforementioned areas of travel. And with that, BOOM (I say that a lot now), here we go:
- Airports – Seriously, there has got to be a better design for flow, both from a dropping off/picking up perspective to just the general flow of travelers. Look airlines, the reason there is such a long line at the kiosks is because people are stupid. Always have been, always will be. They are gonna wait until you come and help them remember their names before they just click on the damn screen. Fix this shit. Get more people to help around there. Make it more like the DMV, give out numbers for those waiting if necessary, since people can’t understand the concept of filling in empty gaps.
- TSA – Add more security lines. 200 people and 2 lines is not gonna cut it. There is no worse way to waste an hour than to wait in the security line (and in my case always get called for a “random” screening and special “pat down,” so what if I like it, don’t judge me!). Some of them are really nice, and some TSA employees are annoying sacks of shit. I’m sure this blog is gonna get me put back on the “no fly list.” Why was I on that list to begin with? Oh you know because I fly a lot…oh and I have a Middle Eastern name and a beard. So let’s stop with the “random” shit and just make a separate line for people like me if you have to. If it means I don’t gotta wait twice I’m all for it (keep the “pat downs” please).
- Idiots – If you ever feel society has advanced, step outside your house an interact with a person. Any person. Then realize that you were wrong. Completely wrong. If you really wanna see idiots in action, go to the airport and subsequently get on a plane (WITH a ticket, don’t be THAT guy). An exchange between the flight attendant and an idiot: FA “Sir wheels out on the bag please” Idiot (precedes to put bag in sideways) FA “Sir, wheels out, we need the space” Idiot “I can’t take the wheels out, they don’t disconnect” (gives flight attendant a death stare and rolls his eyes) FA “You’ve got to be kidding me!” (moves bag the right way). I watched this with sheer enjoyment and sadness as I realized it was both funny and sad/scary that people such as this asshole exist. If you had no idea what “wheels out” meant and are somehow in anyway a friend, acquaintance, or know anybody who knows me, please, stop talking to me or any people I know right now.
There you have it folks, my travel experience. I’m no Frommer but dammit, I keep shit real. Whenever you can, drive (because there aren’t a plethora of morons on the road, please note the sarcasm there). BOOM! I done said it.
My beard isn’t quite as full, and I don’t wear that hat. Or carry that thing in my right hand. But other than that, spot on mate! (No idea why I said “mate” there, I am not Australian)
And just for fun, I’ll give you another picture today:
I thought we were facing “tough times,” where the hell is everybody going!?