Tag Archives: Free Agents

Fantasy Recap Week 7…

Yep, I’m lazy and posting this on the Thursday before week 8 games start again…that’s just how I roll, live with it and love it.  At this point, you know what you need to make a solid run and are either feverishly picking apart the waiver wire or are trying to make some trades.  It’s a tough time for lots of the people in the league as some bogus shit will probably start happening now.  Crazy trades that would have never happened in week 1 are now being offered and acceppted, with you being left wondering, “hey is this legit, or are they just trying to let that other guy win it.”  It’s a thin line between legit and tanking trades, but do what ya gotta do I guess.  So enough of that, let’s get to who did us right and who did us oh so wrong last week.

Stars of the Week

QB – Drew Brees – 377 yards and 4 TDs.  Are the Saints back? Nope, they are just starting to play bad teams.  They won’t keep winning, but Brees will keep putting up numbers.

RB – Chris Johnson – 195 yards, 2 TDs.  He’s back!! NOPE..he played Buffalo…he still sucks

RB – Adrian Peterson – 153 yards, TD.  All Day. AP. Whatever you wanna call him, my man is nice.

WR – Vincent Jackson – 7 catches, 216 yards, 1 TD.  Oh and one drag down inside the 5.  You not scoring that TD probably cost some owners in fantasy like it cost your real life team a victory.

WR – Randall Cobb – 8 catches, 89 yards, 2 TDs.  Greg who??  So long as Jennings is out this dude is a top WR.

RB/WR – Victor Cruz – 7 catches 131 yards, TD.  Remove that 77 yard TD catch at the end and his day was meh, but my Skins unfortunately can’t remove that play. Ugh I hate the Giants.

TE – Rob Gronkowski – 6 catches, 78 yards, 2 TDs.  They still somehow had a close game against the JETS…keep throwin the ball Tommy boy.

K – Nick Folk – Almost won the game for the Jets, before the Jets realized they were the Jets…

DEF – Houston Texans – Made the Ravens look horrible forevermore (see what I did there?!). 4 sacks, a safety, 2 interceptions and a Touchdown.  Solid.

Assholes of the Week (Assholes because I done said it yo)

QB – Christian Ponder – 58 yards, TD, 2 INTs…man all you need to do is just throw it to Percy or hand it off to AP.  Stop being so stupid.

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis – If this was a real “lawfirm” it’d be shut down for lack of production.  69 yards.  That’s it. I actually blame this one on coaches.

RB – Stevan Ridley – Bro, the Jets, how do you have a bad against them?? 65 yards, at least catch a pass or something!!

WR – AJ Green – One catch 8 yards and a TD.  Bengals coaches, if his one catch was a TD, don’t you think you should throw to him more? Thank you..ugh.

WR – Calvin Johnson – 3 catches, 34 yards.  Mega horrible.  Lots of drops too.

RB/WR – Larry Fitzgerald – 4 Catches, 29 yards.  Horrible day for star WR.  But his excuse is his QB sucks.

TE – Vernon Davis –                    (the empty space preceding this represents his presence and stat line of last week).

K – Jason Hanson – 1 extra point.  Thank you though! Because that’s all you got this week, I was able to beat the guy who had you!

DEF – New Orleans – EVERYBODY puts up yards against them.  Over 500 yards and Freeman went bizzerk on em.

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Chris Cooley.  Ehh, not big on it, but you could do worse at tight end at this point.

…unless my team sucks, then “I wasn’t really paying attention to fantasy football this year.”

 

 

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Fantasy Recap Week 3…

So I’m a few days late. Sue me.  Kidding, I don’t need that shit in my life.  At this point in the season you’re either:

  • Sitting pretty at 3-0 and trying to strengthen your bench
  • Doing OK at 2-1 and trying to figure out if you’re wins are a fluke or if that loss is gonna be a sign of things to come
  • 1-2 with two thoughts, if you just won your game, you think the first 2 losses were just bad luck (playing highest scoring team or poor performance) or you just lost your last game after being 1-1 and trying to figure out what you can do to make your team better so that you don’t fall to the dreaded 1-3
  • ORRRRR you are 0-3 (Beef and Chi-town in my more “seasoned” league).  Much like those 2 fools, if you are 0-3, you probably just suck at fantasy football.  Time to make trades.  Or find out what you are doing now and do the exact opposite.  Why? Because… because you suck!

Well with that being said, let’s hit our team of the week.

Stars of the Week

QB – Ben Roethlisberger – 384 yards and 4 TD’s.  Not too bad, how many of you had him on your bench??

RB – Jamaal Charles – Now this is what I’m talking about! 233 yards and a TD (on a 91 yard run!).  Doing work for his fantasy owners, and making the Ain’ts (get it, Saints) pay for it.

RB – Maurice Jones-Drew – 177 yards and a TD.  You sir, have made people who didn’t draft you because of contract issues hate your guts.

WR – A.J. Green – 9 catches, 183 yards, 1 TD from a wildcat play.  I hate you asshole.  You beat my Redskins.

WR – Torrey Smith – 6 catches, 127 yards, 2 TD’s.  Inspiring play hours after his brother passed away.

RB/WR – Andre Brown – 113 yards and 2 TD’s in a relief role for Bradshaw.  The Panthers are STILL trying to tackle him.

TE – Heath Miller – 8 catches, 60 yards, 2 TD’s.  If you notice the trend is that other tight ends than the top 3 or 4 are getting stats now.

K – Ryan Succop – 6 field goals. 6. Count ’em. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6!

DEF – Chicago Bears – 6 sacks, 2 INT’s and a TD.  And the Rams looked so good against the Redskins last week….

Assholes of the Week (Assholes because you are assholes)

QB – Philip Rivers – 173 yards, 2 INT.  Depleted Falcons secondary.  Way to do nothing for my fantasy team asshole.  GET BETTER!

RB – Frank Gore – 63 yards and a fumble.  Exactly what everybody who owned you had in mind.

RB – Chris Johnson – I don’t even think giving him credit for “stats” is fair to the word “stats.”  CJ0k(e) everybody

WR – Desean Jackson – 3 catches 43 yards.  All that shit you talk and you only caught 3 balls. Dick.

WR – Marques Colston – Blame Brees? Nope, you drop too many passes you idiot.

RB/WR – Stevan Ridley – Yeh it was Baltimore, but how bout a few catches or something, damn. And spell your name right asshole.

K – Adam Vinatieri – When you are counting on his extra points to get you the majority of your kicking points you know he sucks.

DEF – New England – Statistically speaking, you guys suck.  Remove statistics and you still suck.

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Jeremy Kerley of the Jets.  Apparently he’s the only one on the team that wants to actually try to win. Returning kicks and catching passes.  That’s 2 more things than Santonio Holmes does (drumrooolll).

Haha, oh but if it was, things would be that much more amazing!

 

 

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