Tag Archives: dreams

New Year’s Resolutions…

Everybody is doin ’em right.  I figured I’d drop a few awesome things I plan on doing but I really know won’t end up happening because planning things for a whole year in advance never works out…right?  Your resolutions are probably something like:

  • I’m going to the gym every day – no you’re not, you’re probably going every day for 3 days, then that shit stops
  • I’m going to lose weight – so you weigh yourself with clothes on in the morning, then at night take your clothes off and boom you “lost weight”
  • I’m going to meet the man/woman of my dreams – it might be possible, but remember, nightmares are classified as dreams too…
  • I’m gonna be more active – as in you are actively going to watch TV and stay at home more?

Those are just a few of your stupid resolutions.  Now let’s get to my AWESOME ones:

  • Learn at least 5 hip/hop dances – Me and YouTube are gonna have some damn fun this year
  • Be meaner to people – because it’s more likely to happen than me being nicer to people
  • Learn to ride a bike – I’m pretty sure I’ve said this every year since I could speak and that shit still hasn’t happened
  • Learn another language – It’d be cool to do, or maybe just re-learn one of the ones I already know, like English…boom accomplished
  • Learn some craft – like carpentering or plumbing…or witch craft…

I think I can at least do 2 of the things on my list which would mean my New Year would be 40% successful aka much like most of your high school grades in basic sciences.  Hip hop (anonymous) dancing king crown here I come!

Damn I miss Calvin and Hobbes…and for the record I agree with Calvin!



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It’s 3 AM and I wake up startled and freaking out.  I feel like I’m 16 or 17.  High school all over again.  What happened? IT happened…again!  That damn dream.  The dream that attacks and haunts your entire night’s sleep. If you have the privilege to be my friend in real life (or the consolation prize of being my “friend” on Facebook), you’ve no doubt seen me post about this before.  It’s that damn dream where you are still in school (I swear to you it’s as if I’m there) and you realize that you forgot to turn in an assignment,  study for an important final, or drop the class that you never attended.  Then all hell breaks loose.  You try to figure out a way to study, but things keep happening that won’t allow it.  You try to find that paper that you just know you did (or did you forget?) but it’s nowhere to be found.  You go through that “day” freaking out, and just like the title character Okonkwo of the book you may have had to do a book report on,  “Things Fall Apart.”  You freak out, your dream keeps spiraling downward and more shit piles on.  You’re afraid you will fail your class, which means you won’t graduate, which means you are screwed.  You’re left wondering what the hell happened, confused as to what your next step will be.  Then, you wake up.  You’d think there would be a relief in waking up, but nope.  What’s there is fear.  Fear that this dream was true.  Fear that everything you’ve done so far in life can be unhinged by this one moment (not a shining moment), by this one paper, by this one test.  You think back.  Did this actually happen?  If it did, can they take away my diploma/degree? Will I lose my job? SHIT. I am screwed.  Maybe if I stay quiet, no one will ever find out the truth.  Hmm. Maybe it was just a dream.  That can’t be real. Right? At this point you are having random conversations with yourself, making yourself believe it was a dream (it was a dream right?).  I’ve even gone as far as to call my old university to ask if I passed all my classes (yes, this happened).  In the end, the registrar’s office told me I’m good to go, and I am relieved….until the next time the same dream happens (or maybe the registrar’s office is using this as leverage for some evil plot down the road).  The shit that goes through this guy’s (two thumbs pointed squarely at my face) head….

Damn. Really bro? An F-? I did so bad that I couldn't even just Fail properly. Bullshit! Dreams within dreams. Or is this the real part?

PS: If you don’t have dreams like this, you suck.  If you’re dreams are about you being naked at work or on a bus, stop watching porn.

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