Tag Archives: cbs

Let the Madness Begin!

“The ball is tipped, and there you are, you’re running for your life, you’re a shooting star…”

Today is the best day of the year.  Better than your birthday, better than Christmas, and yes better than Flag Day. Today marks the REAL start of March Madness (sorry play in games).  The beginning of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.  64 teams enter, 1 team leaves alive.  The Big Dance.  The party of all parties.  The prom invitation you wanted and if you didn’t get it you’re on the outside looking in.  And when you fall, you go stand at the wall and keep watching the beauty that is college basketball.  Today millions of people will fall ill with a mysterious disease that will cause them to miss the next 2 days of work.  They will be SO sick in fact that they can’t even go to their doctor.  Instead they will sit at home and watch TV to get them through their tough times.  Bracket in hand, every game lifting their spirits or pushing them into a more “ill” state.  And for those of us with the beginings of the sniffles who can not leave work, well TNT, TBS, TruTV, and CBS have us covered, and yep that includes internet streaming.  Productivity will fall today folks, it might as well be a national holiday to be sick these next 2 days.  Cinderellas will be born, Goliaths will dominate, and teams that you have doubted all year will either continue or all of a sudden turn into a cohesive unit and become a juggernaut (please NC State do the latter of this).

Last year I gave you guys the laws of the tourney.  A few rules that happen in this first weekend.  I’ll repeat it for you this year with a few more twists to it.  Enjoy:

  1. There will be a buzzer beater in the first weekend.
  2. There will be an overtime game.
  3. A lower seed will knock off a higher seed.  Some big name school will be out to a college located inside a college (think about it).  Pray to God it’s not your team.
  4. Officiating will affect the outcome of one game majorly, usually in the favor of a higher seed (Most likely UNC, Indiana, Duke)
  5. Announcers (sadly not Gus Johnson this year :(, damn you Fox for taking him) yelling out the phrase “can you believe it?” (Obviously we can, it just happened in front of our faces)
  6. Many of your brackets will be shattered, as your National Champ exits as quickly as the tourney starts (Gonzaga and Indiana, not happenin’).
  7. Some small player will constantly be showered with the praise of “he’s got a lot of heart.” (Is that an insult on his skill?)
  8. A big time school will be shown to be overrated (ahem, Duke, Indiana, UNC).
  9. I will continuously sing “One Shining Moment” in my head (and sometimes out loud) during every game, even though it’s the song reserved for the Champion at the END of the tournament.
  10. ‘NC State Shit’ (coined after my awesome University, look it up on Urban Dictionary) will happen to a majority of the teams.  Could be in the form of a 6 minute 38 seconds scoring drought, or your best player fouling out in the first half, or your best shooter missing all his shots, or blowing a 20 point lead in the second half….really the list goes on.  If your team experiences this, there really isn’t anything you can do except go sit in your room alone and in the dark crying (been there, done that, it’s not fun).  Avoid all sharp objects if any of this happens, just sayin’.
  11. One “Major” conference will be shown to be fraudulent.
  12. The ACC referees specifically will screw one team because they are the worst officials on the planet. (ahem Karl Hess, Teddy Valentine)
  13. New dances will be born and I will love each and every one of them (and I will try to do them at home/work when no one is watching).
  14. I will have a perfect bracket and win a bajillion dollars (that’s the number when a billion and a zillion get together and make babies).

“I’m so excited! I’m so excited. I’m so scared…” If you didn’t get that, then I am sorry you had a horrible childhood.  This is the year for me.  The year for my team. I can feel it through my body (or maybe that’s diarrhea).  Either way, thank you God for this time of year.  Let the Madness begin.  Go State, Go Wolfpack, Go to Hell Carolina!

My Perfect Bracket....I Done Said It!

My Perfect Bracket….I Done Said It!

(Damn where’s Kentucky now? Bob Morris anyone?)



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Fantasy Recap Week 6…

Why hello there!  If you are 6-0 at this point in the Fantasy Football season, just know that you are lucky assholes or that everybody else in your league sucks…or a combination of both of these.  At this point, your team is either a source of full on joy every Monday/Tuesday morning or just pure unadulterated disappointment.  Look at the standings, and look at the team in 6th place.  See how far back you are on them.  If it’s 1 or 2 games, you still got a shot at this!  If it’s more than that, then figure out a way to get everyone’s passwords and start trading players to your team!  And with that folks, our do-ers and don’t-ers of week 6!

Stars of the Week

QB – Aaron Rodgers – 6 TD’s.  I don’t need to say much else.

RB – Shonn Greene – 3 TD’s.  The first and last time a Jets player will be on this list.  His first and last name are spelled wrong, just saying.

RB – Ahmad Bradshaw – 116 yards and a TD against the 49ers defense.  Kudos to you sir.

WR – Jordy Nelson – 9 catches, 121 yards 3 TD’s.  How pissed off do you think the Texans’ cornerbacks were that a white dude was zooming by them catching TD’s all game?

WR – Wes Welker  – 10 catches, 138 yards, TD.  That’s not including the big ass hit he took in the first half.  And yes, this is probably the first and only time 2 white WR will make the Stars team.  I’m not racist, I’m just saying Ben Affleck’s aren’t typically doing big thangs on the same week  (“You white, you Be Affleck”).

RB/WR – AJ Green – 7 catches, 135 yards, 2 TDs.  For the record he isn’t white.  They still somehow lost this game.

TE – Antonio Gates – 6 catches, 81 yards, 2 TDs.  And he was sitting on my bench, because he hadn’t done shit the past few weeks.

K – Jason Hanson – 4 FGs.  2 XP.  Solid day old man.  21 years in the league.  My kids will be kickers dammit!

DEF – Denver Broncos – This award really should go to Philip Rivers, but hey they did it to him. 4 sacks, 4 INTs, 2 Fumble recoveries and 2 TD’s.

Assholes of the Week (I call it like I see it)

QB – Philip Rivers – 4 INT’s and 2 Fumbles.  Led directly to 2 defensive TD’s.  And you cost me a win this week asshole!

RB – Marshawn Lynch – 41 yards?  More like Least Mode son.

RB – Michael Turner – 33 yards…God you suck.

WR –  Miles Austin – 2 catches, 31 yards.  Got the big money and sucks.  There is a reason he wasn’t drafted high in real life.  That reason is he sucks in real life.

WR – Dwayne Bowe – 3 catches 25 yards.  Not all his fault…his QB is Brady Quinn.

RB/WR – Stevan Ridley – 34 yards.  It was raining, why the hell did the Pats throw the ball so damn much??

TE – Vernon Davis – 3 catches 37 yards.  Guess the Giants figured out how to stop you since that playoff game huh?

K – David Akers – 1 made FG, 2 missed FG.  Asshole!

DEF – Indianapolis Colts – They made the JETS look good.  Do you know how bad you have to be to do that???

Free Agent Pick Up of the Week

Josh Gordon – Cleveland Browns.  Supplemental pick leading to fantasy sleeper.  Get him now folks!

So, so true.

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