Tag Archives: babies

What’s In A Name?

Lately I’ve had a lot of friends (yes I have friends!) who are expecting childrens (yes I added the “s” at the end because I’m from the South and the ‘hood and that’s how we roll).  Once they figure out the gender of the baby, the questions from EVERYONE around them start to come.  “What are you gonna name your baby?” “Have you come up with a name?” “Who’s picking the name?” “Did you guys agree on a name yet?” “What about (insert name here)? It’s a really nice name.” “What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”  As an expecting couple, I’m sure these questions start getting on your nerves (just like it’s annoying when people rub an expecting woman’s belly, unless you have an itch, then I bet that isn’t such a bad thing, or is it?).  So what are you gonna name your baby?  Yep, I just did that.  What is the fair way to determine who names the child? Luckily for you guys, I know the answer, and I’m gonna break it down for you…bullet point style!

When naming a child precedence goes as follows:

  • Culture – Follow cultural norms for first born.  Some cultures name their first born sons after the father of the son.
  • History – Follow family naming patterns. James I, James Jr., James III (you get it?)

Once these are observed the rules are as follows:

  • Whoever name the first born child relinquishes the right to name the second born.  Think of it like a pick up game of basketball, you don’t get the first and second pick at the playground.  Be fair let the other spouse get dibs on the second child.
  • Alternate thereafter if there is no consensus on the name of a child.  If you do not like the alternating approach after child number 2, then paper, rock, scissors is your best bet (obviously we know how I feel about PRS https://idonesaidit.com/2012/03/01/conflict-resolution-my-way-to-fix-the-world/).
  • If the name doesn’t follow the Culture or History category and is a stupid name, just don’t do it.  Seriously, if it’s a name that is gonna put your kid in the psychiatrists office at the age of 14, just save that poor child the emotional damage.

Simple.  I just saved a whole lot of couples arguments.  BOOMSHACKALACKA (that is definitely not even appropriate for this conversation)!! If all else fails tho, just name your child after me.  If you don’t know my name, ya betta ask somebody!

Your name is Orangello? Wow…sorry for you bro…

(If you are a chick and you answered one of those questions in the first paragraph with “An African or European Swallow?” then we should probably get married and make babies so that this blog will then become relevant to our situation. Call me….maybe?)

 

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Would You?

So recently I partook in a trip to Chicago for a conference (it was a conference for awesome people if you must know).  While out in the city, chillin’ with my peoples, we started playing the “scenario” game, basically coming up with ludicrous situations with lewd amounts of money involved if you were to do said things.  Upon asking the waitress if she would wear only a pink wedding dress every day for a whole year for $200,000 but couldn’t reveal why she was doing it (thanks OA), she came back at us with a scenario rather than answer ours (for the record, I am male, as were 2 of the people with me, and along with them and the 2 females with us, we all said that we would wear a pink wedding dress for a whole year for that amount of money, yep, money talks).  Her scenario “For unlimited World Power, would you eat a baby (think of it with a no punishment religiously kind of thing)?”  I quickly answered yes.  She looked at me disgustingly.  My boys Confusion and Ponch asked if the baby was alive or dead.  They would do it if the baby was dead, but not if it was alive (the girls did not concur with eating the baby period).  World Power encompasses many things, awesomeness and money mainly.  I know it’s wrong, but come on, I’m pretty sure at some point at one of those ethnic buffets we’ve all eaten at, that human was probably somewhere on the menu (was that a little racist? yes, yes it was).  Also, give me the Honey Mustard from Outback and I’m pretty sure I could eat anything with it, that stuff is that good (sidenote: I once told a waitress at Outback to bring me lots of Honey Mustard because it was delicious and it’d be cool to shower in it because it’s that dag gone good, she brought me 25 bowls of it and mocked me for not finishing them all, morale of this story, be careful what you wish for.  Also, Honey Mustard is really hard to wash off your body…??).  So I present you this same scenario, for World Power, would you eat a baby?  Does it matter if it’s dead or alive?  What about the pink wedding dress? Let me know!

I’d look absolutely stunning in this dress, 365 days in the year son!

(Do you guys think babies taste more like chicken or beef?)

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