Dear UNC Fans,
We get it, we are not your rival. We are not your rival in the same regard that your University had an outstanding African American Studies major. We are not your rival just as much as Mantei Te’o had an amazing girlfriend. For those of you who got your “UNC Degree” from Wal-Mart, what I’m trying to say is, just because you say it doesn’t mean it’s true (if you still don’t understand, stop reading now, big words like “the” and “to” are probably going to be used frequently and I don’t want you to strain yourselves). We are not your rival because you say we are not your rival. Over and over and over again. So seriously, if we are not your rival, why do you keep talking about us? Because we are not your rival right? Riiiight. We might not be Duke, but you hate watching us succeed in any sport, you make fun of our “Moo U” college, and you belittle any accomplishment that our university has ever had. So if we are not your rival, why do you care? Ohhh, it’s because I just kinda defined what a rival is you morons. But it’s ok, we don’t need to be your rival, we aren’t the ones making a big deal about it. So this Saturday, when you are losing to your “not rival,” remember that the loss won’t hurt, the loss won’t sting, because it’s just another school that beat you.
Dear NC State Students and Alumni,
I apologize. I’m sorry that at some point, some of you weren’t taught things by those who came before you. My generation learned things and didn’t share. We were stingy. Or we figured someone else would teach you. But today I make up for this. I’m droppin’ knowledge. First and foremost, you need to learn the fight song, not just the “Go to Hell Carolina!” part. Learn all the words, it’s not that hard. Secondly (definitely after learning our fight song), you need to learn the words to the UNC fight song. Because they are not our rival, they don’t care if we know the words. I’m amazed by how many people did not learn this “hate anthem” while they were at school, and again I apologize for this. So while I won’t type our fight song (one of your friends should easily teach this to you) I will give you the NC State version of the UNC “song” (I don’t know if it’s a fight song or just the crappy sound that comes out of their band). This is not child friendly (unless you have awesome children):
(Again, words to the music their band plays)
In the ditches west of Raleigh,
There’s a place like Hell,
Where Twenty Thousand Sons of Bitches,
Call it Chapel Hill.
Where the bastards born, and the bastards bred,
And when they die, they’ll be bastards dead.
So piss on Carolina-lina, piss on Carolina-lina
Piss on Carolina-lina, ROLL on State!
A few things. Whoever came up with this is a genius. And now we have a ROLL reference that can coincide with the “Roll Pack” phenomenon. Students, learn this song for the game. Sing it with pride. You’re welcome. Keep some tradition going, and when we smash those assholes from up the road, make sure you start a “Not our rival” chant. I’m sure this will throw their fans in a conniption. Also students and fans, DO NOT rush the court, it’s UNC for crying out loud, they don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
NC State Class of 2003, Civil Engineering
(Who would have thought an engineer knew how to write? Prediction NCSU 87 UNC 76 Go Pack!)