Monthly Archives: December 2012

“Holiday” Music…

I put the word holiday in quotes because some people don’t celebrate Christmas, but we all celebrate holidays away from work (That’s what a holiday is right? That’s a weird word, holiday, just look at it, say it, holiday..weird).  So yeh, I love music and it is that holiday time of the year.  So knowing my calculus (it says you plus me equals us), I put music and holiday together and get holiday music (mostly Christmas music, let’s just be real about it).  So for your viewing and listening pleasure I give you a top 12 (get it 12 days of Christmas) of Holiday Songs:

12. Frosty the Snowman

11. Jingle Bells

10. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

9. Jingle Bell Rock

8. White Christmas

7. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

AND it’s REMIX!

6. Baby It’s Cold Outside

5. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

4. Let it Snow

3. Last Christmas

2. El Burito de Belen (remix)

1. All I Want for Christmas is You

Sing it loud Charlie Brown!! Not gonna lie, I’ve watched all these videos at least 5 times already…

PS: I know that my rankings system may be different than yours, but since we’ve established that I am smarter than all of you, what I say goes. Why? Because I done said it!

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Ugly Christmas Sweaters…

Tis the season, which means a bunch of you are gonna be wearing ugly Christmas sweaters to holiday parties, dinners, family time, work, the gym, etc.  But did you know that there is a wrong and a right way to do this?  Most of you qualify under the wrong way to do it, and end up looking like complete douche-bags.  For those of you who are wearing them properly, kudos to you, and keep the holiday spirit flowing.  So right now you are either wondering “what is the right and wrong way to wear an ugly Christmas sweater” or “what in the hell is this idiot talking about”?  Both of those will now be answered.  There are 2 and ONLY 2 rules that need to be followed, acknowledged, and recognized regarding rocking these funny looking holiday sweaters:

  1. Wearing an ugly Christmas sweater to be funny is cool.
  2. Wearing an ugly Christmas sweater to be cool is NOT funny.

If you are following rule number 1, you are doing it right.  If you are following rule number 2, please for the love of God, quit being a tool bag and follow rule number 1.  It’s THAT simple.  I know a bunch of people in the number 2 camp right now, and luckily I’ve just been too lazy to call you out, but please believe that this is your warning; do that shit again and your mocking will be fair game (I don’t care if it does make you go home and cry yourself to sleep).  I done said it!

I’m pretty sure I want to buy this for the purpose of being hilariously awesome! If you don’t understand “the funny” behind this, then you most likely fall in the Rule #2 category…

 

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Bumper Stickers

I see you on cars and I immediately think 5 things:

  1. That’s gonna hurt the re-sale value of your car.
  2. You aren’t really that ignorant to believe that?
  3. Your kid stole that sticker from the smart kid.
  4. Oh that’s clever/funny (sarcastic tone).
  5. Don’t lie to us, you really don’t believe in “coexist”ing

Can anybody actually tell me why people still put these damn things on their car?  It’s distracting to me as the guy following you.  Why? Because I feel compelled to read that shit, even though I know I don’t give a damn.  So yes, “if I’m reading this” I’m “probably too close” and yes I might honk, but not because “I love ta-ta’s.”  Please people, just stop putting shit on your car.  Our society is already stupid and distracted enough while driving.  I can manage reading your shit and driving, but that shit-tard that was texting while driving in 2 lanes simultaneously obviously cannot.  And I don’t care that he/she thinks your puppies are adorable, or that those stick figures you have of your imaginary family on your mini-van is cute.  Most likely you are a horrible driver, and you are genuinely not clever, AND the people driving around you are idiots with well documented driving skills.  So before we start outlawing texting and driving or playing Words with Friends or Angry Birds while driving, we really need to get rid of ALL bumper stickers.  Umm, that pretty much sums it up, I done said it.

This is what your shit looks like to me…

 

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