Monthly Archives: November 2012

Man vs. Hiccups

So last night something strange (I don’t think I’ve used the word strange in at least 2 years, strange huh? See what I did there?) happened to me.  So I’m watching Sportscenter when all of a sudden I start hiccuping.  Naturally, the first thing I do is hold my breath so that it will go away.  Didn’t work.  So I remember that I was told that since hiccups are an involuntary action, if I try to force myself to hiccup they will go away.  So I try this, but for some reason, this shit didn’t work either. I wish that the friends I was hanging out with just an hour earlier were still around so they could scare me, but alas, they were gone too.  Plus can you really get scared if you know that someone is trying to scare you?  At this point I’ve been hiccuping for the last 10 minutes, and not gonna lie, I’m kinda freaking out.  I go back to this news report I saw once of this guy who had hiccups for a few years, and the freak out continues.  I start wondering how I’m gonna communicate with people if I’m hiccuping, or how am I going to sing (because I’m a superstar and all…just sayin’) and all these crazy things are running through my head. 30 minutes pass, I’m still hiccuping.  Enter the Google.  “How to get rid of hiccups.”  I was led to various sites and remedies, pulling on your tongue (this shit doesn’t work and just hurts your tongue), eating a spoon full of sugar (def wasn’t gonna try that at 11pm), gargling water (made me spit out water as I was hiccuping).  None of that crap worked.  45 minutes passed, and I’m still hiccuping.  I was resigned to the fact that my life would be that of the hiccuping man.  Despite being completely freaked out, I just said well I tried, and started watching TV again.  Next thing I know, they were gone.  The hiccups had left me, thank God! So I went to sleep, and that was that.  Woke up this morning and they were back!! But luckily it only lasted a few minutes.  I think it was the hiccups reminding me that they have the power, and I can not refute this claim.  When the hiccups attack, you have no real defense other than to pray that they are just visiting for a short time.  In the end, the internet didn’t help, and that sucked, but good news is I won’t be that guy that has to hiccup the rest of his life.  Do any of you care about my hiccups? Nope.  Do I care that you don’t care? Hell Nope.  But if ya got any hiccup advice let me know, because I don’t know when my next showdown with hiccups will be, but I would love to battle with some weapons ya feels me.

Hiccups – 1
Me – 0

 

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Once You Go Black…

…you’ll never go back!! What it do baybay??  Well I’ll be damned if that isn’t the truth, America got a taste of chocolate in 2008 and sure enough it was a flavor that lingered just enough to want some more.  Election 2012 is over (THANK GOD!!) and America has spoken, 4 more years of President Barrack Obama.  To me the results of the election weren’t as good as the following different media outlets.  I’m looking at you Fox News and MSNBC.  Once the election was “called” on projections for Obama, all kinds of funny shit started happening.  Karl Rove started going nuts saying that by his math Romney would win Ohio, and that all other people are wrong, the Republican Party apparently followed suit and withheld the “concession” of the election because of these reports.  You then had Rachel Maddow (aka Matthew Perry) vocally berating Fox News and her co-hosts saying the use of the word “talent” to describe “those guys” was both laughable and silly.  Then watching the back and forth you could see the hate the Liberal channel had for the Conservative channel.  And I loved every minute of it.  It’s good entertainment.  What they should have done was have them be in the same room and just go at it.  But alas that didn’t happen (sadly).

Anyways, let’s get to why BO won this election.  He won it because of Mitt Romney and Sandy.  The Republican nominee’s inability to perceive minorities as an actual viable voting population cost him.  His 47% statement was damning to his election.  Doing the math, according to Romney, 47% was voting for Obama, leaving 53% of the population.  So technically you need to get 51% of that population to vote for you.  He got around 49%, which is pretty good, but factored with the way the electoral college process works, this wasn’t gonna win it for him.  Romney may have been right with his 47% statement, but even if he was, it’s just plain idiotic to ever say that shit out loud.  By doing so, he alienated the elderly, African Americans, Latinos, new immigrants from anywhere, the gay population, and basically anybody not white.  This was a horrible strategy in 1- vocalizing it and 2- actually following through on it.  That’s a lot of “undecideds” that you are just saying you don’t care what they do.  Now you know better for the next time. Oh and to build a little more on that Mitt Romney being the problem, think about this now Conservative Right, if you’d have nominated Ron Paul, we’d probably have a new president. And then you have Hurricane Sandy.  That girl done messed up Romney’s bid for President.  At a time when the country didn’t know if Obama was the guy to lead in a crisis situation, Sandy showed up and showed the country that he can.  He used FEMA wisely and strategically when Romney publicly called for ending FEMA’s relief control.  Foot in mouth moment again for Romney.

There you have it folks, that’s how you lose an election.  Obama may have won the election, but in reality this thing was lost by Willard Mitt Romney.

PS:  How the hell is our voting system so outdated?? Why can’t we actually have instant results instead of projections?? Tech nerds/geeks, get this shit right, you have 4 years to fix it!

Not gonna lie, this made me bust out laughing…some people are so clever these days!

If only there was something clever that could go with “Once you go Brown” I’d be in business…sadly there isn’t…

 

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