Happy Halloween…Whatever That Means…

Today is the day where it is socially acceptable to dress like a stripper, prostitute, hoe, child molester, pimp, murderer, etc.  Yep, today is Halloween.  So girls, get your inner hoe on.  And guys get your delusional dreams out the way.  Come tomorrow, all you will have are embarrassing pictures of yourself dressed up as if you were 12.  It’s a day like today (or a night like tonight) that makes me wonder, do strippers or prostitutes dress up as regular people (and in the case of a stripper actually keep their clothes on)?  I just never have understood the adult fascination of Halloween.  For kids it makes perfect sense, dress up in a costume, get free candy.  Shit if adults were doing this to get free candy then it would make sense.  But just dressing up to go out?  Can’t you just go out?  Is it your fantasy to be a Pirate? Bro you can do that shit for real, it’s just not as lucrative as it once was, but hell, you can make a career out of it.  Ladies you wanna be a sexy nurse?  Key number one to that is to actually be sexy, if you aren’t the adjective part of the costume, then it’s just a fail and nobody wants to see you dressed like that.  And actually, if you aren’t the “sexy” in sexy nurse, then just freaking go to school and become a nurse, there are plenty of states with shortages!  A commercialized holiday that started for Pagans, went to children, and now is for adults to dress up and get wasted, Halloween is really pointless.  If you aren’t really for it, then you will have people annoy you for candy at your house at night.  If you are all about it you’re gonna dress up in something (most likely not even creative) and go get wasted because you couldn’t just get wasted without the costume part.  And if you’re a kid, you’re gonna have a shit ton of candy tonight, and you better share with me because I love candy.  If you’re a smart kid, you dress up in a lame costume, make the rounds to see which houses have the best candy, then change and hit up the jackpot houses again (I’m talkin snickers, twix, kit kat and reeces). Mmm chocolate.  How come people can’t just give me candy without dressing up?? Sometimes people say I look like somebody famous or scary, either or.  Hell the TSA thinks I dress up as “token arab guy from movies” every time I travel, but they don’t give me candy…just the TSA “treat” aka the pat down (awkward).

Anyways, this guy has a good guide to trading candy today kids, follow it wisely.

Best Jack-O-Lantern ever…

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