Why hello there! If you are 6-0 at this point in the Fantasy Football season, just know that you are lucky assholes or that everybody else in your league sucks…or a combination of both of these. At this point, your team is either a source of full on joy every Monday/Tuesday morning or just pure unadulterated disappointment. Look at the standings, and look at the team in 6th place. See how far back you are on them. If it’s 1 or 2 games, you still got a shot at this! If it’s more than that, then figure out a way to get everyone’s passwords and start trading players to your team! And with that folks, our do-ers and don’t-ers of week 6!
Stars of the Week
QB – Aaron Rodgers – 6 TD’s. I don’t need to say much else.
RB – Shonn Greene – 3 TD’s. The first and last time a Jets player will be on this list. His first and last name are spelled wrong, just saying.
RB – Ahmad Bradshaw – 116 yards and a TD against the 49ers defense. Kudos to you sir.
WR – Jordy Nelson – 9 catches, 121 yards 3 TD’s. How pissed off do you think the Texans’ cornerbacks were that a white dude was zooming by them catching TD’s all game?
WR – Wes Welker – 10 catches, 138 yards, TD. That’s not including the big ass hit he took in the first half. And yes, this is probably the first and only time 2 white WR will make the Stars team. I’m not racist, I’m just saying Ben Affleck’s aren’t typically doing big thangs on the same week (“You white, you Be Affleck”).
RB/WR – AJ Green – 7 catches, 135 yards, 2 TDs. For the record he isn’t white. They still somehow lost this game.
TE – Antonio Gates – 6 catches, 81 yards, 2 TDs. And he was sitting on my bench, because he hadn’t done shit the past few weeks.
K – Jason Hanson – 4 FGs. 2 XP. Solid day old man. 21 years in the league. My kids will be kickers dammit!
DEF – Denver Broncos – This award really should go to Philip Rivers, but hey they did it to him. 4 sacks, 4 INTs, 2 Fumble recoveries and 2 TD’s.
Assholes of the Week (I call it like I see it)
QB – Philip Rivers – 4 INT’s and 2 Fumbles. Led directly to 2 defensive TD’s. And you cost me a win this week asshole!
RB – Marshawn Lynch – 41 yards? More like Least Mode son.
RB – Michael Turner – 33 yards…God you suck.
WR – Miles Austin – 2 catches, 31 yards. Got the big money and sucks. There is a reason he wasn’t drafted high in real life. That reason is he sucks in real life.
WR – Dwayne Bowe – 3 catches 25 yards. Not all his fault…his QB is Brady Quinn.
RB/WR – Stevan Ridley – 34 yards. It was raining, why the hell did the Pats throw the ball so damn much??
TE – Vernon Davis – 3 catches 37 yards. Guess the Giants figured out how to stop you since that playoff game huh?
K – David Akers – 1 made FG, 2 missed FG. Asshole!
DEF – Indianapolis Colts – They made the JETS look good. Do you know how bad you have to be to do that???
Free Agent Pick Up of the Week
Josh Gordon – Cleveland Browns. Supplemental pick leading to fantasy sleeper. Get him now folks!