Monthly Archives: September 2012

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Tonight, the most glorious season of all seasons returns.  No, it’s not spring, summer, fall, or winter.  It’s Football Season!  Smell it in the air.  Taste it on your tongue. Feel it in your skin.  And whatever other cliche term you can use, go ahead and throw it in.  The NFL is back!  College football is great, but it has nothing on what is the KING of professional sports in America.  So while the first game is between 2 teams I hate (Cowboys and Giants), it’s still football folks and that makes me a little too excited.  Today I will give you my pick for tonight’s game (Giants over the Cowboys, boom, done) and also my predictions for the season.  I am, what some circles may call, an expert on life, and life includes football.  So here we go.

  • NFC East – Best division in football as always.  Every team should improve a bit, but beat up on each other. The Redskins are rebuilding (HTTR!!), the Cowboys suck (offensive line atrocious and Romo still sucks), the Eagles have a oft-injured fragile QB (Ron Mexico gets hurt way too easily).  My pick for the division is the Giants.  I hate that I just said that, but they are the most solid team when they want to be.
  • NFC South – Bucs will be better but still a few years away.  Panthers should be threats, but with the Falcons and Saints in this division it’s gonna be tough to come out on top.  Going with the Falcons to win the division.
  • NFC North – Lions, and Packers, and Bears OH MY!! Oh and the Vikings (meh).  Packers should win this division with strong competition from the Bears.
  • NFC West – 49ers would be Super Bowl favorites if they had a good QB (yep, Alex Smith isn’t good).  Seahawks look to be exciting and dynamic with Wilson at QB.  Cardinals just need any QB who knows to throw it to Fitzy.  And the Rams are the Rams…aka they need a time machine to go back to when they were good.  Niners should win this division.
  • AFC East – Pats with easiest schedule win the division.  Jets MIGHT score a touchdown at some point.  Bills will be tough to score on.  And the Dolphins won’t be more entertaining than they were on Hard Knocks, and honestly that isn’t that entertaining.
  • AFC South – Texans are the class of the division.  Jags suck.  Colts suck.  Titans will probably suck.
  • AFC North – Ravens defense is old.  Bengals offense is young.  Steelers  team is old.  Cleveland sucks as a city…and the Browns suck as a football team.  Ravens will win this division.
  • AFC West – Chargers, Broncos, Raiders, Chiefs.  I look at these teams and see Rivers and Manning.  I think the Chargers win the division.

So in the NFC I have division winners being the Giants, Falcons, Packers, and 49ers with the Saints and Bears as Wild Cards.  And in the AFC I have the Pats, Texans, Ravens and Chargers with the Broncos and Steelers being the Wild Cards.

My NFC Champ game is between the 49ers and Packers, and AFC is between the Chargers and Texans.  I pick the Packers over the Chargers in the Super Bowl.

How accurate will this be?  Probably not at all.  But I don’t care, I done said it.

Horrible officiating be damned, I got my football back!



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Plane Flight…

Hey guys! I’m back! I know you missed me…YES YOU DID you assholes!!  Anyways was gone out of town on a vacation/destination wedding (congrats Sup Sup and Yoda).  Now I’m back, tan, and refreshed.  Well I’m still tired and jet-lagged but refreshed in the greater sense of the word.  If you’ve ever been at the airport during a holiday weekend, I’m sure your first thoughts are “I’m never doing this shit again.”  So after that passes through your head, you just sit back and enjoy the annoyingness that is airports, TSA, and idiot travelers that surround you (because at least in my case, I know I’m not an idiot).  So time for me to go off on the aforementioned areas of travel.  And with that, BOOM (I say that a lot now), here we go:

  1. Airports – Seriously, there has got to be a better design for flow, both from a dropping off/picking up perspective to just the general flow of travelers.  Look airlines, the reason there is such a long line at the kiosks is because people are stupid.  Always have been, always will be.  They are gonna wait until you come and help them remember their names before they just click on the damn screen.  Fix this shit.  Get more people to help around there.  Make it more like the DMV, give out numbers for those waiting if necessary, since people can’t understand the concept of filling in empty gaps.
  2. TSA – Add more security lines.  200 people and 2 lines is not gonna cut it.  There is no worse way to waste an hour than to wait in the security line (and in my case always get called for a “random” screening and special “pat down,” so what if I like it, don’t judge me!).  Some of them are really nice, and some TSA employees are annoying sacks of shit.  I’m sure this blog is gonna get me put back on the “no fly list.”  Why was I on that list to begin with? Oh you know because I fly a lot…oh and I have a Middle Eastern name and a beard.  So let’s stop with the “random” shit and just make a separate line for people like me if you have to.  If it means I don’t gotta wait twice I’m all for it (keep the “pat downs” please).
  3. Idiots – If you ever feel society has advanced, step outside your house an interact with a person.  Any person.  Then realize that you were wrong.  Completely wrong.  If you really wanna see idiots in action, go to the airport and subsequently get on a plane (WITH a ticket, don’t be THAT guy).  An exchange between the flight attendant and an idiot:  FA “Sir wheels out on the bag please” Idiot (precedes to put bag in sideways) FA “Sir, wheels out, we need the space” Idiot “I can’t take the wheels out, they don’t disconnect” (gives flight attendant a death stare and rolls his eyes) FA “You’ve got to be kidding me!” (moves bag the right way).  I watched this with sheer enjoyment and sadness as I realized it was both funny and sad/scary that people such as this asshole exist.  If you had no idea what “wheels out” meant and are somehow in anyway a friend, acquaintance, or know anybody who knows me, please, stop talking to me or any people I know right now.

There you have it folks, my travel experience.  I’m no Frommer but dammit, I keep shit real. Whenever you can, drive (because there aren’t a plethora of morons on the road, please note the sarcasm there).  BOOM! I done said it.

My beard isn’t quite as full, and I don’t wear that hat. Or carry that thing in my right hand. But other than that, spot on mate! (No idea why I said “mate” there, I am not Australian)

And just for fun, I’ll give you another picture today:

I thought we were facing “tough times,” where the hell is everybody going!?








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