I’m sure everybody is on cloud 9 (what does that even mean?) after this first weekend of the NFL. If you are one of the millions who play fantasy football then you either had an awesome first weekend or are really pissed because of an injury or a horrible performance that cost you in your first game of the season. There is a ton to talk about regarding this past weekend, but I’m gonna keep it all fantasy football related. I’m a try to do a Tuesday blog every week that highlights the best and worst performers of the past week (all of this is based on a PPR scoring setting). I may even give a sleeper here and there too (who knows, I might just be nice). And here we go.
Stars of the Week
QB – Matt Ryan – Matty Ice looked like a young Peyton Manning slinging the ball around in a fast paced pass friendly offense. 4 total TD’s and 299 passing yards. Yes please.
RB – CJ Spiller – Way to take advantage of an injury. 169 on the ground with touchdown. If you started him, congrats. (Probably won’t happen again tho)
RB – Stevan Ridley – 125 on the ground and a touchdown. The Pats have a running game? Wow. Not gonna lie, I had him on the bench.
WR – Kevin Ogletree – Big game against a depleted secondary. Everybody will be trying to pick him up this week. He will probably do nothing for the rest of the season. Oh and the Cowboys suck.
WR – Julio Jones – Someone had to be catchin’ Matt Ryan’s balls (that didn’t sound right). Julio did work with 2 TD’s/
WR/RB – Darren McFadden – 13 receptions!!! You had to have been happy despite the horrible rushing stats if you owned him. Solid outing for him at least.
TE – Jimmy Graham – He’s tall. He’s good. He’s a jackass who almost beat my ‘Skins. If you drafted him early, you were happy with your results.
K – Nate Kaeding – 5 FG…that’s a pretty solid day for a kicker
DEF – Ravens – Shut down the Bengals in the 2nd half. Ed Reed’s INT return for TD sealed the deal.
Assholes of the Week
QB – Mike Vick – 4 interceptions? Really bro…against the Browns? He looked like he was playing Madden 13 and was just throwing it up all day.
RB – Michael Turner – You sir, are a gigantic asshole for that horrible performance. That is all. If people won with you on their team, it’s because they are awesome (ahem ahem).
RB – Fred Jackson – I know he got hurt, but fantasy owners don’t care and neither do I. You cost a lot of people a win this week champ.
WR – Wes Welker – I hate you so much for how shitty you were this week. Hey Brady, throw him the damn ball, you Ugg wearing douchebag.
WR – Marques Colston – Even if you were still listed as a TE (biggest fantasy glitch ever!) this performance would have sucked. You cost your real life team and your fantasy teams a win. Enjoy that.
WR/RB – Dwayne Bowe – Hey guy, thanks for showing up in a game that all you guys did was really throw the ball. Oh that’s right you didn’t.
TE – Antonio Gates – Come on bro, you’ve gotta make that TD grab. You def disappointed in your first game being “100% healthy” in years.
K – Mason Crosby – Thanks for kicking 2 extra points…I’d rather have another running back than a kicker who gets me 2 points. Dick.
DEF – Bills – You spend all that money in the offseason on defense and give up 48 points to the Jets….the freaking JETS??? They didn’t score TD in the preseason. And no, Mark Sanchez is not good. And “Baby Jesus” (Tim Tebow) is not the answer.
Pretty solid selections I know. I’m awesome like that. And since I’m awesome, I’m gonna help you fools out.
Free Agent Pick Up of the Week
Dexter McCluster – Why you ask? He’s like the 4th string RB on his team. Yes, yes he is. But he’s also the starting slot receiver. In a 10 or 12 team league, he is a solid 10 – 15 point producer a week. Not to start at WR, but at RB. That’s right, he’s this years fantasy glitch. Great player to have as a bye week replacement for your starting running backs. At least you’d be putting some form of a starter on the field. I went all in on McCluster this year. I don’t plan on being disappointed.