Dear Doctors

Dear Doctors,

Stop lying to me assholes.  I love yall for what you do for people (aka helping them for the most part), but I hate it when you guys lie to us.  “This isn’t gonna hurt” or what they meant to say “this pain is going to blow your damn mind.”  I know why you do it, but it doesn’t make it right.  And even though I KNOW that what you are telling me isn’t true, I still believe it long enough for you to go on and trick me.  I hate that I fall for this every time (I’m sure most of you do as well), and I hate that you keep doing it.  I know plenty of doctors, and I’m just putting it on record that I trust about 3.2% of you guys.  I’ve hung out with you fools, I’ve gone out with you idiots, and that’s why I wouldn’t recommend the other 96.8% (I’m great at math I know!) to anybody I knew.  “This will sting for about 2 seconds” aka “this will make you scream like a 4 year old girl who had her cake taken away, because cake is delicious and she wanted to eat it, but it was taken away from her, that’s why she is crying, oh and somebody kicked her in the face to take her cake away, she’s probably crying because of that too.” For the record, I didn’t go to the doctor’s office today, this just came to me (insert heavenly ahhhh sound).

On the bright side of things, at least I haven’t gotten the Magic Johnson treatment, you know when the doctor told him, “no you don’t have anything to worry about Magic!” but really meant “holy shit, you have HIV bro!” Glad I had nothing to do with that convo (Too soon?).

Side note, I do like Magic Johnson, it was just too easy to use in the context of this rant…

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