The Dont’s of Cell Phones

It’s alarming how rude people have become.  I blame technology.  And females.  But that’s a whole nother topic yo.  So you’re all thinking, “oh God, what the hell is he gonna complain about today?”  Well, first off, I don’t complain, I’m just keepin’ it real so shut yo damn mouth assholes!  Secondly, I’m gonna bitch about cell phones.  Yep, cell phones.  It seems that somewhere between the Zack Morris cell phone and the iPhone, people seemed to lose all kinds of social etiquette. What do I mean? Well, I’m obviously gonna tell you.  That’s the whole point.  So I’ve comprised a list of when it’s rude/disrespectful to take a phone call, and when it’s allowed.

Disrespectful

  1. The Doctor’s office – Hey assholes, do NOT answer the phone while the doctor is in the room with you.  That’s rude and stupid, and if I were your doctor, my diagnosis for you is automatically going to be Syphilis just for that.  Have fun clearing that up with your insurance!
  2. At a place of worship – Really?? You’re going to put GOD on hold??? REALLY?!!  Don’t answer your phone at church, mosque, temple, synagogue, or at Denny’s (where Atheists get together?).
  3. In line – Let me clarify this.  When you are in line, and it’s your turn, but you are taking forever because one hand is holding your phone and you aren’t answering what the cashier/ticket lady is asking.  Doing this makes you a douche to everyone around you.  Defend yourself asshole.
  4. At a party – nobody wants to hear you screaming out “HELLO??? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”  Take that shit outside or leave it for later.
  5. At a wedding – I now pronounce you man and ….hey man what’s uppp!! You see how that doesn’t work.
  6. In a car if you are female and are driving – That one is pretty thorough as far as the explanation; disrespectful in that ladies, you’re probably gonna cause a wreck or traffic jam.
  7. In class – when I was in school, my phone didn’t get service in the buildings. Plus, texting was still new.  Pay attention youngin’s.  Y’all are getting stupider (irony if this isn’t actually a word) by the day.  Let the teacher teach.
  8. In the middle of a heart to heart talk – pretty sure whenever I’ve seen this happen in the movies, I’ve thought “what a dick”
  9. At the bank – nobody there wants to hear your shit.  Make your deposit and get the hell out of my way.
  10. At a sporting event – they can’t hear you, you can’t hear them.  WE don’t want to hear you.  Just stop.

It’s OK to pick up

  1. Random family member call – it could be an emergency, just tell the person you are with, “excuse me.” Those 2 words make it OK.
  2. When you are alone – if no one is around, you can answer your phone.
  3. When you are with your family – everybody needs to get away from the family for a few minutes, I’ll allow it.
  4. In a car if you are male and can multitask – If you can’t drive speed limit or faster, this does not apply to you.

I think that’s pretty much it.  Follow these rules and I won’t have the urge to stab you in the face with my left hand while punching you in the gut with my right hand.  Picture it.  Feel it.  Yep it hurt didn’t it.  Use your brains folks, if it would piss you off, don’t do it to other people.  I done said it.

Thank you Uncle Samuel. I am with you my man!

-You can follow me on Twitter @idonesaidit

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