First off, congrats to everyone who has graduated in the past few weeks (or will graduate in the next few weeks).  There I was nice, pretty sure that’s where that will end.  New grads, enjoy this moment.  Enjoy that one week of awesomeness where your thoughts are all geared towards “I’m finally finished!”  Enjoy those new pictures with you in your cap and gown (destined to be the Facebook profile pictures of millions worldwide).  Enjoy that feeling that you can sleep in and not give a damn about what’s going on that day, because all YOU have to do is sleep and just be.  Ah, to “just be,” it’s wonderful.  But something happens in the next few weeks “grad.”  Something that kind of sucks.  It’s called the “Real World” (true storraaayyy).  No you aren’t going to be picked to live with 6 strangers.  It’s more like your life is going to crash course with strangers on a daily basis.  You’re going to have to get a job.  You know a job, that thing where you have to show up to work at a certain time, actually do shit, then can only leave at a certain time.  It’s kinda of like prison minus the awesome pick up basketball games. No sleeping at the desk, no copying your friend’s homework, no skipping class or bailing early.  Read that last sentence again.  Yep, the “Real World” sucks.  That’s if you’re even lucky to find a job! In the case that you don’t, the “Real World” is gonna suck a lot more.  Damn, I just Negative Nancy’d the hell out of your exciting time didn’t I?  Guess what, that’s part of graduation too.  So what the hell am I getting at with this other than being the asshole that I am bringing you down from your joyous occasion? Hmm, maybe I just wanted to be an asshole today.  Or maybe I wanted to tell you that for all the bitching and complaining about assignments and exams and pop quizzes and projects that you’ve done, you’re going to regret complaining.  Most likely that regret will be rather soon.  College should have been a happy time for you.  A time with great memories.  A time of fun.  The “Real World” has a little less “happy” in it when you start working.  A little less “fun.”  Yeh, you might be making money, but gone are the days where you didn’t really have to worry about shit.  Replaced now with bills, bills, bills (and I ain’t talking Destiny’s Child).  Growing up kinda sucks.  You can’t play with toys anymore, you can’t watch cartoons, and you have to go to work.  Work, the four letter word that makes anything associated with school seem incredible.  You don’t know what you got til it’s gone, and guess what, the moment you walked across that stage it was gone. So grads, CONGRATS!  Enjoy your last true vacation EVER.  In a few years you’re gonna wish you never left school (shit, you might already be wishing it).  I really am happy for y’all, but damn somebody gotta break down the truth. Remember if all else fails, you can always go back to school, and hopefully this time you’ll know to try to stay for as long as you can!

A special shout out to my friends who are graduating, I’m proud of all of ya, now start working so you can take me out to dinner (hell I’ll settle for lunch)!

Now what?

(Love this damn commercial, the lyrics to this song couldn’t be any more true)




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