Workplace Etiquette

By request, I bring you a blog on proper workplace etiquette… the bathroom.  This should be funny and disgusting at the same time.  So if you are eating right now, you might wanna hold off on reading this.  At this point, we all know my thoughts on washing your hands (  So I’m not even gonna bring that up.  So today, we focus on the actual toilet area.  Yep, it’s about to get dirty (in a Christina Aguillera kind of way?).

  1. Ladies, I don’t need to know it’s your time of month.  Clean your shit up.  Seriously.  I don’t need to think that ‘Call of Duty’ or an armed assault happened in the bathroom. Either double flush or throw that damn wrapper in the bottom of the trashcan (Preferably double flush please).
  2. Guys, clean after yourselves.  If you missed, get a wet papertowel and clean your splatter.  Also, if you consistently miss, sit down from now on. Seriously dude, you’re leaving more DNA in the bathroom than CSI:Miami needs to solve the case.
  3. If you are dropping bombs at the workplace office, FLUSH.  Then flush again.  No one cares to see streaks in the toilet.  And I damn sure don’t care that you had corn for dinner last night.
  4. With regards to dropping the load at work, turn on the damn fan before you start.  Let it run after you leave.  Use febreeze.  Shit, put a sign up on the door that says out of order.  No co-worker deserves to walk into Code Red Ozone layer alert.
  5. Once you are done doing your deed, throw your toilet paper away.  Seriously how hard is to drop a piece of TP in the toilet and flush.  Note, I said IN THE TOILET, not on the ground next to it.  Hey genius, get this, if you walk into the bathroom, and there is no TP on the bathroom floor, and when you are about to walk there is, guess what?  THAT SHIT IS YOURS!! CLEAN IT UP ASSHOLE (no pun intended…hmm, actually, pun intended).
  6. I don’t think I can say this enough. Flush. Flush. Flush. Seriously, it will solve 90% of bathroom problems. Just flush.

There, I done said it.  I didn’t think I was that passionate about this topic, but damn, people be pissing me off.  Oh one more thing idiots, this isn’t just the norm for work, if it’s a PUBLIC restroom (shit or private for that matter), these rules apply.  You don’t have a maid following you around to clean up your shit, and I sure as hell ain’t doin’ it for you.  Just use common sense (I know most of you don’t have it, but damn, cheat off of your buddy to figure it out).

I don’t even know what’s goin on in some of these “examples” but I’m guessing some idiot has tried them at some point and time. Please, don’t be that idiot.

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4 thoughts on “Workplace Etiquette

  1. Anonymous says:

    if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be sweet and wipe the seat

  2. Anonymous says:

    is the bottom one on the left fishing???

  3. Anonymous says:

    I love it. People think I’m gross and come out and announce not to go in there, but I’d like to think I’m being considerate.

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