No, I’m not talking about the virtual one in your iPhone. I speak of the ancient encyclopedia yellow paged behemoth that we still get dropped on our door step. Why? Does anybody actually use this thing for looking up numbers? The correct answer is no, people do not still use these things for finding telephone numbers (we use the ‘internets’ and/or our friends of friends of friends). What a waste of damn money. The only reason I can see for still giving these things out is…..wait for it….BOOSTER SEATS! Your kid too short to eat at dinner? BAM, phone book to fix that! You need the kid to sit higher at the doctor’s office, ZAP, phone book (same for the barber shop)! Using it for phone numbers, not so much. The conspiracy theorist in me thinks that the people behind the production of these things are in fact Oompa Loompas (midgets, dwarfs, imps, etc). They distribute the ‘Yellow Pages’ in mass so that one day, when we least expect it, they will attack! The phone books will serve as their stepping stone (pun intended!) to world domination, and more importantly help them reach high things out of reach. So beware when you get your phone books in the next few weeks, for there is a great evil behind them (no literally check behind it, these guys could be hiding!). As for myself, I’m stockpiling these bad boys. I’m building a tall fort (3 feet high) with no doors, I’d like to see those ferocious little people try to attack me now! HA, victory shall be mine at last!
PS: Hey guys, if you ain’t using it, make sure you recycle! I’m all about the environment and shit.