So I’ve pretty much stated why this is one of my favorite times of the year (basketball, weather, etc.). And I guess the only real knock on the Spring is allergies. Well that and March 17. You know what that is? Saint Patrick’s Day, aka a day where idiots wear green and get obnoxiously drunk. Do I hate the Irish? Hell no, I actually love Irish people (their accents and castles are awesome, not to mention without them we wouldn’t have Lucky of ‘Lucky Charms’ fame…man I love that guy). So what’s my problem? Well, it’s the non-Irish who act like the day belongs to them. Oh you’re not Irish, so why the hell are you partaking in the festivities? Oh for real, you’re wearing green? Why should I care what color your wearing? Oh, you’re gonna pinch me because I’m not wearing green? Do it, I DARE YOU. Pinch me, see if I don’t smack the shit out of you. What are we 12? Adults should never pinch other adults. Think about it, when is it acceptable for a grown ass man to pinch another man? The answer, NEVER. When is it acceptable for a woman to pinch someone else? Only if the someone else is an cute little baby with chubby ass cheeks, that’s it. So for all you POSERS, who know nothing of what St. Patty’s Day is about, yet indulge in the festivities, do a few things for me. One, read up on it, see what the day is actually about. Two, take it easy if you aren’t of Irish descent, let the real guys celebrate their day. Three, wear green and drink if you want, just do it around somebody else. Oh and don’t be a douche and pinch people, seriously don’t. I can’t reiterate enough how stupid that is, and how if you do it to me (because I will not be wearing green) you will get put in your damn place (‘what did the five fingers say to the face? SLAAAPP”). So douchebag in green, I dare you. There I done said it.
(Frosted Lucky Charms, they’re magically delicious!!! I hope this jingle is stuck in your head now too.)