Sandals of Mass Distraction

Nothing says “I’m gonna have a really shitty gym session” more than wearing sandals to the gym. I don’t know about you guys, but when I see someone do that, I stare in utter shock, thinking “AWW SNAP, this guy is either a really sloppy douche or a really lazy slack-ass.”   Yesterday I had the pleasure of feasting my eyes upon a fellow gym-goer that was rockin’ some lovely bright-whites with leather-strap slippers. Yes, I marveled. Yes, it was an amazing sight.  I gawked in awe and I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t focus on my butt- muscle gaining endeavors.

Getting ready to do some squats!

The obvious socks-with-sandals fashion faux pas isn’t the issue here. I’ll leave that fancy fashion stuff to you straight guys with queer eyes. After all, I’m sure we’ve all seen this look before. You know, at theme parks, at the mall, at the grocery store, and if you’re from Florida…at nightclubs. But, C’Mon Man! The gym?!?  I know, its tempting because of how awesomely comfortable and free your tiny little toes feel. But I’m pretty sure that “hitting the gym hard” doesn’t include toe comfort. I mean, how is a guy supposed to properly get his “sweat on” when the fastest he can run on the treadmill is at a blazing level of 0.5. Every time he does a leg curl, the sandal slips off. Every rep requires foot readjustment. The foot lingerie is definitely useless towards a workout. Most importantly, and the take home message here, is that it in fact ruins everyone else’s gym session. And I think that is the most bothersome of all, sandal-wearing-douchebag, how inconsiderate are you to eat up all of our focus? I mean, all I could do as I pounded those heavy 2 pound weights up and down my ginormous gluteus maximus (wait, what?) was stare with pure admiration at this guy’s foot ensemble.  So, guys and girls, please be considerate when choosing your gym foot-gear. Or else…or else we will stare at you relentlessly and possibly pull a butt muscle. I DONE SAID IT! (Oh yeah, I guess I should also be concerned for his toe safety. Or not.)

-This Guest Post was written by ERockPerez, you can follow him on twitter @ERockPerez

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2 thoughts on “Sandals of Mass Distraction

  1. Iris says:

    That drives me out of my mind! Why should I have to worry about somebody else’s toe safety at the gym because they are too lazy to wear appropriate footwear??? As a matter of fact, from now on I will purposely drop my weights on them. Take that sandals of mass destruction! Good post, well done.

  2. football says:

    He’s not desperately trying to look like a big shot. Gene
    Wojciechowski’s ode to college football is a great read.
    I guess a handful of suspensions was enough to satisfy
    the NCAA.

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