I don’t know about y’all but I think there has got to be better way to settle arguments/disputes/drug deals gone bad/wars/political stalemates/etc. Obviously by me even bringing this up (and being the awesome genius that I am), I have come up with THE WAY to resolve ALL conflicts and to make the world a better place (for you and for me and the entire human race, there are people dying, if you care enough for the living….). So you’re probably asking, “what is this awesome way to resolve all things, and if I act now will I get 2 for the price of 1?” Well friend (we aren’t really friends, I don’t even know you, you wish!), it’s tried and true, it’s as old as old people, and it’s as pure as something that’s really freakin’ pure…..it’s ‘Paper, Rock, Scissors’ (PRS for short). Some of you may know it as ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ and if you do, you’re stupid and wrong, I don’t care what any other internet source or ‘facts’ you find say. In PRS, we have the ultimate Conflict Resolution Solution (ha, that kind of rhymed). PRS is one of the most tactical games ever invented, it’s pure mind versus mind, battling for victory without leaving any bloodshed, just hurt feelings and a bruised ego.
So here’s how it works. All disputes will be settled with a ‘Best of 3 format’, for those of you who don’t know what that means, read a book and figure it out. You will take one hand and lay it flat, make a fist with your other hand and then hit the bottom of your fist to the flat of your other hand TWICE (ONLY 2 TIMES) and on the third time you show your ‘weapon of choice’ AKA paper, rock, or scissors. Rock beats Scissors, Scissors beat Paper, Paper beats Rock. That’s pretty much it, that’s the rules. (Image below from Wikipedia)
As far as strategy goes, most people go with rock because they feel that it’s the ‘strongest’, so if you wanna catch em off guard, start off with paper. But if that person is smart, they will know that you know that rock is a default start and expect paper, and they will throw scissors to defeat you. Since you now know that they know that you know, this now puts rock as your best bet to beat the scissors they will throw. If you see them furl their eyebrows before you start, then they probably know that you know that they know that you know that they know you will throw rock and will probably throw paper, and when they do, you hit em with the scissors and BAM you destroy them! Now you just gotta do it one more time and the dispute is settled.
As you see from the ‘strategery’ above, this game can take alot of mental fortitude to come out victorious. Imagine rather than bloodshed, countries at war sending their best PRS players to a battlefield to decide the fate of their country. It could be a televised event, with endorsement deals and commercial monies being split 50/50 between the dueling parties. What if the Bloods and Crips settled their differences with this instead of ‘drive-by’s?’ Do you think anyone would be scared to wear red or blue in rival turfs then? NO. Which means people would have more clothing options, they wouldn’t be as bland. Elections? HA! No more stupid debates with them lying to us, they just settle it mano a mano (which literally means hand to hand, awesome!). This would give us the greatest mind to lead our nation!
Wow, I should seriously get a Nobel Peace Prize for this. World, you are welcome, next time I ask for 5 bucks you better give it to me. Trust me this WILL work, let’s start a ground roots movement now, together we can make it happen. ‘Paper, Rock, Scissors’ is the change we have been waiting for, I DONE SAID IT.
(I really hope people got the Michael Jackson “Heal the World” reference at the beginning.)